Waterbowl – Round 10

Bad for your Elf

The snotlings ducked to avoid the hurled cast iron pot, cowering again as it hit the ground with an almighty crash.

“You were given one job!”

Still sooty faced, the pint sized creatures tried scurrying away from the indignant head coach of the Shreking Balls. A wine jug was hurled next, the arc taking it into a smashed heap on the floor. As the snotlings fled the room, Günther Weyrauch slumped into his chair. The only solace he had was the art gallery fire wasn’t linked to the team, they could barely afford the team’s upkeep without any fines being accrued. Günther’s skin drained of all colour as the realisation set in. They would have to play against a full strength Har Ganeth. And a healthy Belphegor.

Günther needed a lie down.


A knock on the door woke the Head Coach from his sleep. Groggy from his rest, Günther Weyrauch stumbled to the door. The brightly clothed man flamboyantly produced a letter and began to read, “Dear Misser ‘ead Coach, I iz afraid dat I cannot make dis game. I ‘ave a touch of the ‘alfling ‘ot Trots. Sorry, Bomber Dribblesnot.”

The messenger rolled the letter up and handed it to the bemused head coach, “I believe I had the pronunciation correct there, Sir, have a nice day.”

And with that the man turned on his heels and headed off towards town. Günther could feel his stomach knotting. Hoping it was merely the nerves of the forth coming game, and not another batch of the stomach flu.


The tension in the stadium was palpable as the team entered. The news of the injury to Cuchilo, Har Ganeth Reivers’s star Assassin, came as an unexpected blessing to the Shreking Balls team. Günther felt a chill down his spine as he heard the menacing war cries of the predominantly Dark Elf crowd. The servants of Khaine were in a particularly bloodthirsty mood.


The fiery eyed gaze of the Dark Elf team was matched by the glazed over look from the Ogre front line. The slow witted Ogres were left grasping at air as the agile elves began their attack. With barely a flick of the wrist, Belphegor deftly passed the ball downfield. Mab leaped into the air, plucking the ball to her chest, and running in for the first Touchdown of the game.
1-0 with barely any time on the board. The Ogres were confused. Snots argued with each other. Ferdinand was still tying his boots.

Günther Weyrauch raged on the sidelines, the tightening of his stomach returning. He beckoned for Winda to come over, the only snotling capable of a little Reikspiel.
“Get the ball! Stop fighting with each other!” he bellowed to the nonplussed snotling. As Winda ran back onto the fied, Günther trotted off to the backroom lavatory.


Both teams lined up for the kickoff. As the ball went skyward, the elven speed was back on show. Before the Ogres could react, the Dark Elves blitzed forward. Weechee was knocked away by the momentum of the onslaught, and the Kar Ganeth Witch Elf, Kali, caught the kick to begin a dangerous Druchii attack.

With a grunt the Ogres snapped out of their confusion and started an aggressive attack on the elves. Bodies flew and bones were broken in the assault. The next few minutes were a blur of violence as the ball was surrounded by the bulk of the Shreking Ball Ogres.

The remaining elves bounced out of the melee and backed away from the frenzy. With no one else to hit, the Ogres remembered the ball in the middle of the scrum. Fungus picked up the ball and ran. Farkle was upfield, scratching his behind, and enjoying the view of the violent crowd. He had barely turned as the ball came flying towards him from the pass from Fungus. Clumsily he grabbed towards the ball, surprised that it landed in his hand, and ran towards the end-zone, dodging away from the final Dark Elf defender before scoring before the end of the half.


The Touchdown celebrations continued into the locker room with songs and belly beating reverberating around the room. Günther emerged from the lavatory confused at the noise. Whatever he had caught had made him miss the half. Ogres celebrating didn’t mean anything. They’d celebrate all day for seemingly no reason. But there was no use trying a team talk. The celebrations were boisterous and far too loud for any tactical conversations.


Whereas the Ogres returned to the pitch in a jovial mood, the elves appeared scalded and tense. The lines were formed, and the ball was kicked deep into the Shreking Balls half. The snotlings swarmed the ball and they swept it out to the flank, a bulky Ogre wall blocking the elves.

The yellow bulldozer continued down the pitch until an elf managed to trip the ball carrying snot. The snotling lay mangled on the floor, and the ball bounced once again to Farkle’s hands.

The smell of blood changed something in Flobablob, and he quickly sent two Reivers to the injury room. Before long the Dark Elves had only a handful of players on the pitch, smashed aside by the Shreking Balls attack. As the clock ticked down, Farkle scored his second Touchdown of the game, smashing aside a defender on the way in.

The action, or should that be inaction, of the Har Ganeth Reivers angered their fans. Bloodthirsty fans poured onto the pitch, tearing apart the referee, ripping up parts of the pitch, and fighting amongst each other.


The pitch cleared, and a nervous looking second referee on the pitch, the teams returned to continue the game. Deej kicked the ball into play and the teams clashed again.

With seconds ticking down, the remaining Har Ganeth Reivers players sprinted forward. The ball was thrown in a perfect spiral to the outstretched hand of Kali the Witch Elf. The ball tipped just before it reached, leaving the Dark Elf grasping at air as the ball fell to the ground.


The horn sounded and the match ended. The Shreking Balls won the game 2-1!

The rest of the week was a blur of celebration, feasts, and drinking. Günther Weyrauch wasn’t foolish enough to try and step between an Ogre and his feasting. So he spent the week planning alone for the next game, hoping he would catch nothing from the upcoming game against Nurgle.


Visit Element Games here (Use the code DAN2300 at Checkout for double points)

For more Blood Bowl action:

Listen to the Two Drunk Flings podcast here

Listen to the Anything But A One podcast here

Listen to the Double Skulls podcast here

Waterbowl – Prelude to Round 10

Burden of Leadership

Günther Weyrauch sighed. He raised his drink to his lips, took a great gulp, placed the goblet on the table, sunk into his chair. The game against the Amazons was a harsh jolt back to reality after the training week. If heavy was the head that wore the crown, then how about the one working for a maniac Orc?

The snotling server topped up his goblet with Estalian wine, almost knocking the jug over the table. Günther moved his stack of papers out of snotling harm. He had been keeping notes for a while. Strengths of his own players, weaknesses of the opposition, tactics to work on. Even going s far as to pay a youth to spy on their opponents. Whether the lad was caught or overwhelmed by watching the Amazonians in secret, Nuffle only knows.

At any rate the preparation had come to nothing. The Amazons had outworked, outplayed, and outhit the Ogre team. Although one thing came from their training week, a surprising passing play from one of the snots. Surprising as the ball is almost the same length as the snot is tall.

Günther sighed. At least the 2-0 loss wasn’t as harsh as the 6-0, but Elfs were on the horizon again, the Har Ganeth Reivers. He thumbed through his notes. The bounty on Belphegor was well worth the retainer paid to keep Bomber Dribblesnot for another game, and the buying of the sixth ogre… even if he was a few quail eggs short of a luncheon.

The was the game Weyrauch was looking forward to. He despised Dark Elfs. The game plan was simple: Hit hard, Hit fast, Leave only corpses. The same as the Dark Elf raids on his homelands.

“Runt!” he shouted to the snotling server. The snotling squealed and pottered over, still holding the wine jug.
“Uh?” the snot squeaked. Günther was slowly learning that this could mean ‘yes’, ‘hello’ or ‘excuse me’, but found it best to gesticulate in return. This wasn’t always perfect. His imitation of a large ogre had the snotlings bring him the portly priest of a local town.

Günther showed the snotling the illustration of Belphegor. He pulled out a dagger and thrust it into the portrait. The snotling squeaked “Ug”, believed to be a phrase of acknowledgement, and scarpered off.

Günther Weyrauch sipped his drink and smiled, looking forward to the upcoming game



The snotling servant reached the small fire the other snotlings had congregated around.
“ere,” he squeaked, “da boss wantz uz t’ bust up da art gallery.” He shrugged, “Orderz is orderz,” and the snotlings gathered up their weapons.


Visit Element Games here (Use the code DAN2300 at Checkout for double points)

For more Blood Bowl action:

Listen to the Two Drunk Flings podcast here

Listen to the Anything But A One podcast here

Listen to the Double Skulls podcast here

Waterbowl update + FUMBBL

Hello Again


Well I will start with an apology for taking so long to make a blog post. I am aware that it’s been a while. So lets get into what I have been up to


Waterbowl League


In Round 7 my Ogres took on Matt Shaw’s Elven Union team and …… got absolutely decimated.

I despise Elven Union/Pro Elves and came out of this game on the painful side of a 6-0 loss!

Which is why, if I am being honest, I haven’t written a fluff piece on the game. I could barely look at my notes afterwards, And I was happy to take a break during the Bye Week.

Round 9 will be against the always great Ringbeard with his Amazon team, followed by Dark Elves in Week 10


In other tabletop, I helped Ringbeard with his NAFC preparation. He ran Halflings (my new love) against a Nurgle team. The game ended 1-0 to the ‘flings, with me making a mistake in the first half to deny myself a score; I need to count squares away from Treemen.

Getting away from Ogres was a nice palette cleanser, Nurgle being the team that seems to fit my playstyle a little easier.




I am using Halflings in the FUMBBL based SAWBBL league. Even though I am not from the Swindon area, the Halfling Half Biscuit are there to prop up the division.

I am also recording each of my SAWBBL games on my YouTube channel, so check the playlist out there!




I am using FUMBBL a lot more for my Blood Bowl fix. My record on there isn’t the greatest, but this is down to two reasons:

  1. I mainly use Halflings, Nurgle or Ogres
  2. I don’t cherrypick games

Unskilled stunty and Nurgle teams are very difficult to use against teams with even a couple of skills, with them being Tier 2 or 3 in usual tournaments.

The cherrypicking in Ranked games is something that I don’t buy into. I will play against any team, regardless of TV or Tier. This has meant my Halflings have been up against Skaven, High Elves, and Undead of all varieties.

If I was playing it to pad my rankings up, my Halflings would only play other Stunties, for example. But I like to play, so I don’t turn games down.

And speaking of which, if you would like to challenge me, and possibly appear on the channel, sling my an inbox on my Profile Page there.


….and finally


I am proud to announce my membership to the FLING NATION!



With the newly released Halfling team, along with the YouTube channel and FUMBBL, this Waterbowl season will be the last I use anything but Halflings for the foreseeable future!

Special thanks go to the Two Drunk Flings cast for inspiring me in this decision.

I am just waiting for my shirt now!


Visit Element Games here (Use the code DAN2300 at Checkout for double points)

For more Blood Bowl action:

Listen to the Two Drunk Flings podcast here

Listen to the Anything But A One podcast here

Listen to the Double Skulls podcast here


Waterbowl – Interview with the coach of the Shreking Balls – PLUS YouTube Content!


Günther Weyrauch’s tenure as Head Coach of the Shreking Balls hasn’t gotten off to the grandstand start that many of the yellow faithful may have wanted, but it hasn’t been without its high points. The signing of Ferdinand, the fifth Ogre to line up for the team, has given the team a solid attacking line.

In the build up to the match against the Purple Show Ponies, we managed to get an exclusive interview with the man himself.



How have you settled in at the club?


It has been a great experience and a real eyeopener. Everyone has been amazing and being the first human involved in the running of the club is a real honour.


Your debut as Head Coach was against the Magenta Maniacs. The goblins have been tricky in the division so far. What did you tell the players before that game?


I didn’t want to change too much too soon. The ogre siblings were told to ignore the fanatic and attack the goblins to whittle down the numbers. Of course Fergus saw the spinning ball and stood next to it all game. Thankfully we got the draw, and Fergus escaped with just a bit of bruising.


You were integral in bringing Ferdinand into the fold. How is he settling in at the club?


Very well. I brought him in to help the front line, letting Farkle have more room to get around the pitch. Well that’s the theory anyway. 


Where did it go wrong against the Sisters of a Down? At one point it looked like a draw was almost guaranteed


I’m not too sure. One minute we have the ball yards from the opposition end-zone, the next the ogres are staring into the crowd, the ball is loose, and the Sisters score!

We have had a lot of attention training this past week, which will hopefully come to fruition in the next game.


The injury to Deej in the last game must have been tough. How are you preparing for the next game without him?


Deej could have been a star in the next game. Elves rely on agile running, and his defensive skills are the finest of the snotlings.
Ferdinand in particular is looking forward to the next game. Being the only non-sibling ogre gives him extra incentive to stand out.


After the game against the Purple Show Ponies you have a bye week. How will your team spend it?


That depends on the result. If we pick up a win then the team will be treated to a trip to the Swamp Spa. If we lose or draw then we need to spend the time training on defence. 


Thank you for your time, sir


My pleasure




YouTube update!

At long last I content on my YouTube channel!

The first video in ‘Fancy a Fumbbl’, the series where I shall be posting games of Blood Bowl using the FUMBBL game client

In preparation for the SAWBBL FUMBBL league, I played a practice game, pitting my Halflings, Halfling Half Biscuit, against a Goblin team in an all Stunty clash!

If you would like to take on my Halflings, and possibly appear on the channel, contact me here or on FUMBBL (username TheGngrNoob)

Special thanks to Two Drunk Flings and Friends Podcast for inspiring me on this Halfling journey

Visit Element Games here (Use the code DAN2300 at Checkout for double points)

For more Blood Bowl action:

Listen to the Two Drunk Flings podcast here

Listen to the Anything But A One podcast here

Listen to the Double Skulls podcast here

The Shreking Balls vs The Mighty Gorgons

The hypnotic clunking of the cart wheels helped relax Snux. The thoughts were swimming in his head. Tactics for the next game, team talk ideas, escape plan if they lose. The team were in high spirits, however. Farkle was bragging about his new ‘Up an’ over’ punching technique. Fungus and Wicket had been working on a throwing move, with half the week spent teaching Fungus which direction they are supposed to move. The rest of the team were involved in the usual pre-game jokes and squabbles. All of this completely washed over Snux, if it wasn’t for cheering fans he wouldn’t have snapped out of his trance before they reached the stadium.

The shadow of the newly renovated Onion Bowl loomed over the team convoy. Snux noticed that he could barely see the hole where the runaway mule cart collapsed a holding beam. As the team departed the various carts the players reverted to their pre-game states. The Snotlings were often very energetic, bouncing around and chattering. Each of the Ogres were quiet. Snux often wondered whether it was meditation or a lack of brain power. Whatever it was, they seemed more focused than usual. “Perhaps I will survive after all”, thought Snux.

With minutes left until the kick off there was a knock on the door. Without a second’s hesitation the door sprung open. With a grand flourish a man entered.

“I…,” began the man, putting a deliberate delay between his words, “am Horatio X. Schottenheim, Master Mage extraordinaire!”

The Snotling chatter stopped. An Ogre grunted.

The man continued, “I am here today to prove to you that I am the most mind boggling, magnificent and mesmerising mage from here to Middenheim!” and he conjured a ball of smoke and flame in his hands. A couple of the rookie Snotlings applauded. A second Ogre grunted.

“Fanks, Mr Mage,” Snux squeaked, his tongue struggling with most human speak, never mind Schottenwhatever. “We will see you on da pitch.”

By game time the ogres had woken up. Guttural roars and head crashes were the new routine. For the snotlings it was time to avoid the belly charges of Farkle and Fungus. The 18,000 or so cheering fans got to see some pre-match action as Farkle and Fergus got into a scrap, before Felicia pulled her brothers apart. Snux rubbed his hands with glee, at least the lads were up for a fight!

The referee brought both team captains to the centre circle for the coin toss. Towered over by both an Ogre and a Chaos Warrior, the referee flipped the coin high into the air. The monstrous Mighty Gorgons captain yelled out first. “Heads!” he shouted, the voice seemingly projected from 8 directions in succession. The coin spun to the ground. Tails. “Dey Kick,” growled Farkle as he lumbered back to his team.

The whistle sounded and the ball was kicked high into the air! Fists flew and bones crunched as both lines collided. Weechee found himself in possession of the ball. As he was almost the same height as the ball he knew this would be tricky. His fear increased as he saw Crag Hack, Beastman and part-time poet, cruelly smash through one of the rookies. Weechee scrambled forward, the cheering crowd unable to drown out the screams of injured snotlings. Weechee kept running. Running away from the screams. Running with the ball. Wait, did he just score? He had the ball, and was in the end zone, and the referee blew his whistle.

One nil to the Shreking Balls!

Snux bounced up and down in the dugout. They might win this, and he might live! Sure a few of the boys were injured, but nothing a bit of spit and rest won’t fix.  “Oi ladz,” he shouted to the closest ogres, “Git at ’em quick, an’ git at ’em ‘ard!” Fergus gives the boss a nod and a grunt as he lumbers to the scrimmage.

Punches were thrown before the ball was even in the air, but luckily the referee’s eyes were skyward. The Mighty Gorgons attack was hard and fast. Another snotling was destroyed in the onslaught of Chaotic fury. Snux looked down the line to where the Master Mage had perched himself on a wooden stool. “Oi! Do summthin’!” Snux shouted. Horatio bounded up, cloak billowing behind him. He nimbly manoeuvred his fingers, flailed his arms, sang praises to Aqshy, and launched a fireball towards the charging Chaos players. The fireball barely singed the Beastman’s hair as it missed by a good ten strides.  “What waz that?!” Snux bellowed, kicking the ground with anger, “We paid yer gud money!”  The Beastman was already celebrating his touchdown yards from the line. Enough time for his teammate to wipe out another snotling. One all as the whistle blew for half time.

Snux slammed the door of the changing room. Besides the heavy breathing of the ogres, the room was silent. “Youz were doin’ well, yer got sloppy, dey got a score.” He walked over to Fergus, “You were rubbish!” Over to Weechee, “You were gud.” Snux walked over to the pot of brew in the corner. He poured himself a drink while he tried to regain his composure. Blowing away the chunks from the bowl, he took a gulp and carried on. “Lissen. Dey are a gud team. If we played ’em ten times, dey might win nine. But tonight we are gunna hurt ’em. We are gunna get in dere faces and beat em!” The snotlings in the dressing room all cheered in unison. The ogres cheered a few moments later. The team were ready for the second half.

A long kick began the half. The remaining snotlings watching in fear as the block of Chaos Warriors charged forward. From out of no where Farkle began to thunder towards the Mighty Gorgons. He charged past two dumbfounded players and collided with the ball carrying beastman. The player and ball soared into the air. Snux watched on as the ball bounced into the crowd, who launched it across the pitch. It landed at the feet of the hapless Paploo.

Paploo looked at the ball. Every fibre of his body screamed at him to run away from the ball. “If I don’t have the ball, they might not hit me,” he thought out loud. Then he looked at the pile of his injured team mates, remembered his boss’s words, and sprinted up field with the ball above his head. As he scrambled towards the sidelines his team mates clouded around him. Ducking under outstretched arms the snotling swarm scurried towards the midfield. As fast as their tiny legs were caryying them, they could not outrun the Mighty Gorgon defence. Too late to dodge away, the horns of the braying defender clattered Paploo to his back, the ball bouncing away.

“No!” screamed Snux. He put his head in his hands. “I’m not goin’ in da pot!” He ran over to the Mage, half thinking he should run to the exit. “Right, yer gonna earn yer money dis time. Don’t let dat ball get near our line!” He’d barely go to the dugout when he heard the crowd grown. Looking towards the pitch he saw singed grassed and a fleeing Mage near the endzone. Snux was white. He gulped and slumped into his seat.

Jabarkas bucked and brayed on his way to the end-zone. On defence his single mindedness was an asset. Here, though, he failed to see the hog pie thrown towards his head. He dropped to the floor, snout on the touchline, ball next to his horns.

The Shreking Balls fans howled in derision at the prone beastman. Snux looked up from his sulk. The ogre players were busy punching their opposite Chaos numbers, but the snots might be able to get the ball. “Run run RUN!” he squeaked. Snux prayed to Gork, to Mork, to Nuffle, to anyone that was listening. Across the pitch Winda began running towards the ball. “Yes! Yes!” Snux cheered. Winda dodged under the legs of a Gorgon defender, then tripped over his own feet. Snux’s prayers were to go unanswered.

The booing echoed around his head. Jabarkas stood up and brushed himself down. Staring at the Shreking Balls fans he strolled over to the ball, picked it up, and scored the easiest touchdown of his career.

Snux wasn’t hanging around. He cursed the game, he cursed the mage, he cursed the team. Sprinting past his injured former players he headed towards the exit. If only the players were this nimble, he thought as he saw the light shining through the closed gate. Locked. He pounded his tiny fists on the wood and yelled in frustration. He looked around for any sort of exit, a hole to crawl through, a sewer to wade through. Suddenly the light went black. The canvas bag was around his head and body and he was upside down.

The day after the match, an announcement was made that Snux was being sent on early retirement and The Shreking Balls were proud to unveil Günther Weyrauch as new Head Coach, the first Human coach in the Ogre teams history.

A fluff piece for my 2-1 loss to Chaos. First time I have ever been leading a match with the Ogres though!


Visit Element Games here (Use the code DAN2300 at Checkout for double points)

For more Blood Bowl action:

Listen to the Two Drunk Flings podcast here

Listen to the Anything But A One podcast here

Listen to the Double Skulls podcast here

Backing of the Board

Da Board Room

The air inside the tent was thick. Fungal brew bubbled away on a fire in the corner. A withered boy slave poked at the mixture with a wooden spoon. Pinpricks of light shone through the tattered cloth above, making the rotting table glimmer like an old Dwarven mine. Snux sat in his chair. He had been waiting for Kuldag to speak for fifteen life times so far. At least that’s what it felt like. But the old orc wasn’t one to rush. And Snux wasn’t going to rush him. The snotling coach knew well why he was here in the Big Boss’s tent.

Kuldag sat back in his chair and stretched his arms out, his sinuous body cracking from years of hardship. “Dey said I was mad in the ‘ed when I started dis Ogre team. ‘Why not an Orc team, bring yer old friends along?’ dey would say. But after I won dat bet with a slaver for four baby Ogres, I knew what I ‘ad to do. Trained dem from babies, I did. An’ all for a coach to mess it up.”
The orc glared at the small snotling. Snux felt a yelp bubbling in his throat as he squirmed in his chair. “I shoulda coached the team me self. But dat ban. All’s fair in Blood Bowl dey sed. A game for da toughies dey sed. But yer lets Squigs into one Khemri trainin’ ground and get booted from the league!” Kuldag emphasised this by booting the boy slave in the behind, sending him clear out of the tent. The Orc smiled, still got it he thought. He walked back to his chair and let his enormous body slump into it. “Let’s go through da games den?” If Snux could get any paler he’d be whiter than the Mountains of Mourn.
“Match one was against Skinnies. You might as well ‘ave stayed at ‘ome! No scorin’, no urtin’, nuthin!” Kuldag smashed his meaty fists on the table. It buckled under the impact, only the fungal rot keeping it together. “Farkle ‘ad fun, but e’s fick, int he?” The boy slave reappeared, carrying a plate of meats of dubious origin. He scrambled over to the table, placed the plate down, and scampered back to stirring the fungus brew. Kuldag grabbed a handful of meat and crammed it into his maw.
“The next one wuz betta. Couple of scores. But no krumpin’? These humans are like twigs to snap!” he bellowed, spraying flecks of meat over the shivering coach. Kuldag turned to the slave boy, “Oi! Dat brew ready yet?” The boy cowered. He ladled out a bowl for the enraged orc. He placed it on the table at almost the same time as running out of the orc’s reach. Kuldag drained the bowl in a few gulps. Snux couldn’t tell if the brew caused the Big Boss to calm down, but his rage seemed to subside.
“Dis last game…dis last game I liked. If yer aren’t gonna score, hurt ’em. So we lost a few snots. You lot aren’t important. Get you by the bucketload if I want,” the orc grinned. The snotling didn’t. “So, ‘ere’s what I’m gonna do. I’m gonna let you ‘ave one more game in charge. Yer beat the Mighty Gorgons, or I eat yer. Simple as dat. Now leave, before yer go in pot!” The orc grabbed at the last of the meat. Snux was sure he recognised one of the chunks.
“Erm, thanks boss,” Snux squeaked as he clambered down from his chair. Snux didn’t know what to do. Was this a trick? Should he run away now and become a troll rider? How would he get the rabble to beat the league leaders?

The threats were still pounding in his head as Snux made his way back to the team practice field. Fungus and Fergus were playing catch with Wicket. Farkle was attempting to learn a new touchdown dance, even though he’d never held a ball for longer than a blink. Deej was lying on the floor, back still hurting from the previous game. Three new snots were over the far end trying to stop Fungus from getting past them. New, and stupid.

Looking over his team, Snux realised he would need some outside help…


Just a short fluff piece as I haven’t done a write up for any of the games so far. I may go back to full write ups for the next game, or I may do a fluff style write up, similar to this. Unsure yet, cheers!

Visit Element Games here (Use the code DAN2300 at Checkout for double points)

For more Blood Bowl action:

Listen to the Two Drunk Flings podcast here

Listen to the Anything But A One podcast here

Listen to the Double Skulls podcast here

Waterbowl 14

Tournament Time!

February marks the return of the Waterbowl Weekender. The 6 game tournament boasted over a hundred entrants from such exotic places as Denmark, Spain, and Derby!

The Team

After the Nurgle did so well last year I opted to increase the difficulty with a Tier 3 team. So it was decided I would use Ogres, the same as I am using in this year’s league.

As I did last year I took the 5 normal, 1 double option for additional skills.

Ogre – Block
Ogre – Stand Firm
Ogre – Stand Firm
Snotling – Diving Tackle
Snotling – Diving Tackle
Snotling – Diving Tackle

3 Re-Rolls, 1 Fan Factor, 1 Assistant Coach, 1 Cheerleader

The Shreking Balls!

I opted not to take an Apothecary, as I figured that having the extra re-roll and bodies would help more. I was right, but not in the way that I figured. But in that if one Ogre went off, there would be another following soon behind!

Skill wise I copied the Diving Tackle Snotlings from my League Team, while adding in Break Tackle for both offensive and defensive reasons. In hindsight I should have loaded up on skills for only the Ogres. But I wasn’t to know what I was in for…..

…..Insert Swirly Time Travel Music…..


The Future’s Bright…..

In my eagerness to reach the tournament I arrived with an hour to burn. I headed to the Beefeater for a pre-tourney breakie. As I enjoyed my breakfast and copious cups of coffee who would arrive but the lads from the Two Drunk ‘Flings Cast.
A cracking catch up with a hungover Liam was interrupted with Alan’s order of breakfast. 7 bacon, 7 sausage and at least one of each other item from the menu.
“I’m training to be a competitive eater,” he reasoned.

TWO PLATES! (also, Johnny “Nicest Man In Blood Bowl” Bull at the table)
‘Fling Coach Extraordinaire, Liam “Longstride”

After hobnobbing with Blood Bowl Podcast Royalty (?) I headed over to Element Games for the first round

Round One – Howza with Skaven

For the second year running I faced Skaven in the first found. With this being Howza’s first tournament, it was a Noob by name Vs Noob by nature game

Unfortunately my Ogres didn’t want to play with the ball this game, losing 2-1.

Casualty wise they faired much better, with the score 3-1.
In “non-scoring” casualties, he managed to crowd surf an Ogre. Two of my Snotlings managed to foul the Rat Ogre into the injured box, with the sending off being a fine swap.

Howza is a lovely chap and I wish him all the best in his future Blood Bowling activities

0 Wins
1 Loss

Round Two – Jasmin with Humans

Round 2 was against the lovely Jasmin. With the weather perfect, and me winning the FAME roll, I thought I may have done well here…

There was one survivor, nestled safely in the KO Box!

One solo Snotling survived. He lives to fight another day!

The game began with a Blitz result on the Kick Off table and a quick score for the Humans. The next kick started a long grind and my first two conceded casualties. And an infuriating 3 Bone Head rolls in Turn 8 was just a cherry on a poor half for the Ogres.

0-1 (0-2) Half Time

Once things started going wrong for me it spiralled out of control. Six more casualties and another score made the game out of my hands.
Kick Off roll showed a Perfect Defence, making even a flukey OTTD off the table. Two casualties and a fouled Ogre casualty topped off a resounding win for the overseas coach.

2-0 Loss
10-0 on casualties

Completely pitch cleared by Turn 16!

Jasmin was a joy to play against, and his generosity showed when he donated dice to Alex’s nephew. Lovely guy!

0 Wins
2 Losses

Round Three – Drewcifer77

I played against the Two Drunk Flings and Friends Podcast affiliate, Drewcifer77 and his Slann

This wasn’t one for the neutral and both teams struggled moving the ball at times.

After a Turn 2 score for the Slann, the ball was kicked to the Ogres. My second turn of 3 failed Bone Head rolls was followed by a 2 re-rolled into a 1 on the ball pick up. By some miracle I managed to score in Turn 6, causing a casualty before half time.

1-1 (1-0) Going into half time.

The second half just upped the incompetence level of both teams, to the chagrin of me and Drewcifer. The Slann caused a single casualty and a TD in an uneventful second half

2-1 Loss, even 1-1 on casualties, and two completely inept teams.

The streak continues!

0 Wins
3 Losses

At the end of Day One I was searching eBay to see the sell on value of an Ogre team. But as I am using them in the League, I must persevere.


I started Day Two refreshed. An earlyish night and a leftover takeaway for breakfast put me in high spirits for the day.

I also knew that my Round Four opponent would be Porter Sorter, a great guy that I had spoken to a lot on Twitter. So that would be a good start!

With a hushed prayer to Blood Bowl creator Jervis Johnson I headed off to Stockport


As I listened to my music on the journey my phone beeped.


So out goes the Ogre vs Chaos Pact match I had barely planned for.

Round Four – Nadsokor with Skaven

My Round Four opponent was another overseas coach, this time from Denmark. We ended up seeing a lot of each other this tournament as he bounced between three adjacent tables.

My second game vs Skaven of the tournament started off better than I expected. Two swift casualties gave me hope.
Then I conceded.
I managed two more casualties, one from a foul, before the whistle blew for half time.

The second half was tough. Nothing of note happened. But my poor opponent had the worst run of luck.

Snotling armour was titanium.
Ogres were impervious to harm.
The ball was glued to my team.

I scored in Turn 16 to pull off a draw!

0 Wins
1 Draw
3 Losses

Round Five – Zerosgiven with Elven Union

In Round 5 I played against Elven Union with the special addition of Jordell.

Jordell, who is an absolute bastard.

Jordell, who I curse with all my life.

Fuck Jordell.

The first turn had casualties inflicted on both sides, followed by a quick touch down for the pointy ears. I caused two casualties and the Elves caused one against me.
I was winning the fighting, but losing the scoring. The game was pushed out of my reach with a second score for the Elven Union shortly before Half Time.

As Round Five had a bonus point available for 3+ Casualties, that was the focus of the Elf team. Again the Snotlings became massively resilient to pain, with no further damage caused to the Ogres. (Although I caused another)

0-2 Loss (4-1 on casualties)

0 Wins
1 Draw
4 Losses

Zerosgiven is the brains behind the Charlie Victor range of Blood Bowl accessories, so check them out!

Round Six – Blessed Knight with Nurgle

I played against Nurgle

Now some of you may think this helped me out, with my knowledge of the team…..you would be wrong.

The first half saw me cause zero casualties and concede three plus a TD.

A few assists on this foul!

I was lucky to only go into the half 1-0 down and playing 10 vs 11 would make the second half difficult. Of course my luck then decided to dip again, with my first double skulls re-rolled into a double skulls of the tournament.

Highlight of the second half was when Blessed Knight’s Bloater fouled a Snotling, got sent off, and failed to break the armour!

The Nurgle team scored in Turn 16 to win 2-0!


Well it could have gone better


Winner: Monkeytrumpet (Lizardmen)
Runner Up: Don Vito (Amazons)
Third Place: Winkle Picka (Wood Elves)

Best Overseas: Candlejack
Best Kid: Lolcaesar
Best Painted: Darkdan (Amazons)
Stunty Cup: Mjallen (Goblins)
Wooden Spoon: Ben Shaw (Humans)

My Team

Overall I played as well I expected. I did everything I could do right, to a point. But squishy Snotlings and Bone Head ruined any plans.
I should have taken Guard on at least one Ogre too.


Absolutely fantastic tournament Thank you to Alex Wormall for organising the event and to Element Games and the staff for being such great hosts.

Also, I didn’t finish bottom!

Next year I think I’ll use a “proper” Blood Bowl team Of course I only have to use the Ogres for a further 11 games in the league … Unless I make the playoffs by some miracle…and possibly the Stunty Slam. Then it’ll be Skaven time!

Visit Element Games here (Use the code DAN2300 at Checkout for double points)

For more Blood Bowl action:

Listen to the Two Drunk Flings podcast here

Listen to the Anything But A One podcast here

Listen to the Double Skulls podcast here

Waterbowl – Skuttlespike Preview

The Teams


# Coach Team Race TV Pld W D L TD Cas Pts
1 Chebby The Mighty Gorgons Chaos 1000k 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
2 Rick Wreckless Beautiful On The Inside Nurgle 1000k 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
3 Ben Shaw Hugh Mans Human 990k 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
4 douglowe Last of the Summer Plague Nurgle 1000k 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
5 Tintenfisch Here comes the Sidestepper Elf 1000k 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
6 Moysie Purple Show Ponies Elf 1000k 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
7 Dafo Magenta Maniacs Goblin 880k 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
8 TheGngrNoob The Shreking Balls Ogre 1000k 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
9 Chilli Har Ganeth Reivers Dark Elf 1000k 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
10 Ringbeard Tabazco Tarantulas Amazon 960k 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
11 spoboyle Ground Frog Day Slann 1000k 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
12 deeferdan Horn’em Globetrotters Chaos 1000k 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
13 Kanter Sisters of a Down Human 1000k 0 0 0 0 0 0 0

As the dust settles on the draw, the preseason excitement is palpable. With a mix of veterans and newer coaches let’s take a look at the teams!


Tabazco Tarantulas – Amazons – Ringbeard

We will start our review with the seeded coach, and favourite to take the division.

His strong Blitzer Amazon build kicks off the season with a clash against The Mighty Gorgons. Tackling the Chaos team before they can get skilled up is perfect for the fledgling Amazons. The following two games also have a Chaotic slant, with Nurgle and Chaos matches respectively.

Plays me in Round 9


The Mighty Gorgons – Chaos – Chebby

The first of two Chaos teams in Skuttlespike, The Mighty Gorgons. The Sure Hands Beastman will help the early ball moving difficulties that Chaos teams can face. After an opening match against the seeded Tabazco Tarantulas, the next two games should help the Gorgons to settle in to their natural hitting tactics. Although going man on man (Beastman on man?) with the other Chaos team could prove to be carnage!

Plays me in Round 4


Horn’em Globetrotters – Chaos – deeferdan 

The second of our two Chaos teams is coached by deeferdan of Double Skulls podcasting fame. Like the other Chaos team, Dan picked a skill to help wit ball handling. However he eschewed the Sure Hands route for the much more thematic Extra Arms mutation. Today isn’t the day to run the maths on which skill is better.

The Globetrotters face the Troll-less Magenta Maniacs Goblin team in the first round. A match that could end up in a pitch clearing.

Plays me in Round 13


Har Ganeth Reivers – Dark Elf – Chilli 

Fresh from his strong showing in the Waterbowl Veterans League, Chilli could be one to watch this season. If the Har Ganeth Reivers can avoid injuries during the 3 game stretch from Round 9 (Nurgle – Ogres – Chaos) then the Dark Elves could be dark horses this year.

Round 1 sees the Dark Elves take on Doug Lowe’s Nurgle, a clash of two of the top coaches in the division.

Plays me in Round 10


Here comes the Sidestepper – Elf – Tintenfisch

Seemingly my perennial Round 1 opponent, Tintenfisch has traded in his Chaos Dwarfs for Elven Union this season. A mixed start sees Ogres, an Elven mirror match, and Chaos in the opening few weeks.

Round 1 against Ogres has paper thin armour vs Mighty Blow Ogres. If they catch the Elves then it could be akin to a 7s game in Round 2. IF they can catch them.

Plays me in Round 1


Purple Show Ponies – Elf – Moysie

With déjà vu on the team roster we reach our second Elven Union team. Whereas Tintenfisch starts against Bash teams, the Purple Show Ponies face two Human teams and the other Elves. If this translates into less violent games remains to be seen.

Moysie will be pushing for the automatic playoff places this season.

Plays me in Round 7


Magenta Maniacs – Goblin – Dafo

With an unorthodox build, Magenta Maniacs enter the league with more dirty tricks than the Red Light District. No Trolls ensures the only really stupid action will be standing in front of the fanatic.

The Goblins begin their campaign against Chaos, followed by Nurgle and Slann. The first two games could see a revolving door of goblins in and out of the team.

Plays me in Round 5 (STUNTY MATCH!)


Sisters of a Down – Human – Kanter

Bringing Gallic flair Kanter brings an ogre spearheaded Human team to the division. The Sisters of a Down face a baptism of fire with three of the division’s top coaches in his first three games.

Round 1 sees the Humans take on the Purple Show Ponies. With the next rounds seeing matches against Chilli’s Dark Elves and Douglowe’s Nurgle

Plays me in Round 6


Hugh Mans – Human – Ben Shaw

Another Human team and another Ogre involved. The Hugh Mans biggest game, for the casual fan, comes in Round 3. Sibling rivalry is sure to whet the appetite.

His debut season starts matches against Nurgle, Ogres and Elven Union.

Plays me in Round 2


Last of the Summer Plague – Nurgle – douglowe

Another of the Playoff contenders, Doug takes on the mantle of Nurgle coach this season. No doubt inspired by our game last year.

If he manages a regular season like last season then the rest of the division should be on notice. Rounds 7-9 could be tough, although the Nurgle team should be properly seasoned by then.

Plays me in Round 11


Beautiful On The Inside – Nurgle – RickWreckless

Beautiful On The Inside begin the season with the same lineup as my own Detroit Pox City started with last year. However they get the boost of 2 Rotters with the skills of Block and Wrestle.

Wrestle in particular could come in handy in Round 3, when they come up against the Tabazco Tarantulas. Amazons can be a tricky prospect, but against an early Nurgle team it can snowball quickly.

Plays me in Round 2


Ground Frog Day – Slann – spoboyle 

The Slann will be looking to leverage their cage breaking abilities after their Round 1 Bye week. Dark Elves will be there to meet the well rested team.

In a relatively mixed division of Bash and Agility, Ground Frog Day could spring out as one of the surprise teams this year.

Plays me in Round 12



After last season I decided I needed to work more on my defensive positioning. So what better than to use a team that can barely tackle?! One day I’ll play sensibly.

The opening rounds sees me take on Elven Union, Humans, and my beloved Nurgle.



DougLowe, Ringbeard, Chilli and Moysie are the frontrunners of the division and I think these will easily make up the Top 4.

Tintenfisch, Chebby and Deeferdan will probably be in a standoff for the final Playoff Place. Although Spoboyle’s Slann could surprise many.

As for myself, I will be ecstatic with a 6-6 Record; happy with 4-8; wouldn’t mind 1-11 as long as I beat Chilli!


Visit Element Games here (Use the code DAN2300 at Checkout for double points)

For more Blood Bowl action:

Listen to the Two Drunk Flings podcast here

Listen to the Anything But A One podcast here

Listen to the Double Skulls podcast here

Waterbowl League 2019


This season’s Waterbowl began with a pre-season twist…certain teams would gain skills for FREE.

The lower tier teams began with 2 skills, with Stunty teams having the option of trading the 2 for a Double skill.

With these skills being dispensed like confetti at a wedding, it was not surprising to then see 6 Nurgle teams lining up this season!


The Draw Rules

The draw had 3 well deserved top seeds:

  • Kåre Foged, last years Champ
  • Geoff Porritt
  • Alex Barbanneau

With the other teams limited to a maximum of two of the same race per division.

The racial line up is as follows:

Amazon: Ringbeard (1)
Chaos: Deeferdan, Vagabond, Chebby (3)
Chaos Dwarf: Maxik, Volkmair, Brionnebiletappers (3)
Dark Elf: Chilli, Elperas (2)
Dwarf: Gniuz (1)
Elven Union: Moysie, Tintenfisch (2)
Goblin: Dafo (1)
Halfling: Beanbag, Campmark (2)
Human: Leipziger, Caeser, Ben Shaw, Fireolli, Kanter, (5)
Khemri: Podfrey (1)
Khorne: Cunning, Istvan (2)
Lizardmen: The Martian (1)
Nurgle: Heatoncoach, RickWreckless, Kfoged, Douglowe, Blessedknight, Davelklatzen (6)
Ogre: TheGngrNoob
Orc: KillerB, CarolusMagnus, Bigbenbear
Slann: Barney the Lurker, Spoboyle
Undead: JimBob, DrewCleary
Underworld: CJBlackburn

No place for Necromantic or Wood Elf teams makes this season seem rather skewed.

Draw Structure:

1) Draw seeded teams

2) Draw the Nurgle teams, 2 per division

3) Draw the Human team

4) Draw the rest of the teams (keeping a Max of two per race per division)


Pre-Draw Thoughts

My pre-draw favourite is CJ. Great player and if anyone can make Underworld work then it is him!


The Draw

Hosted live on Facebook by the League Commissioner, and viewed by literally some people, the 2019 season began to take shape.

The Divisions were drawn as follows:


  • Amazons – Ringbeard
  • Nurgle – Douglowe
  • Nurgle – RickWreckless
  • Humans – Ben Shaw
  • Humans – Kanter
  • Ogres – TheGngrNoob
  • Chaos – Chebby
  • Dark Elves – Chilli
  • Elven Union – Moysie
  • Elven Union – Tintenfisch 
  • Chaos – DeeferDan
  • Slann – Spoboyle
  • Goblins – Dafo 



  • Khemri – Podfrey
  • Nurgle – Davelklatzen
  • Nurgle – Heatoncoach
  • Humans – Leipziger
  • Underworld – CJBlackburn
  • Undead – JimBob
  • Chaos Dwarfs – Brionnebiletappers
  • Slann – Barney the Lurker
  • Chaos – Vagabond
  • Dwarfs – Gniuz
  • Halflings – Beanbag
  • Chaos Dwarfs – Volkmair
  • Orcs – Bigbenbear



  • Nurgle – KFoged
  • Nurgle – Blessedknight
  • Humans – Fireolli
  • Humans – Caeser
  • Orcs – CarolusMagnus
  • Halflings – Campmark 
  • Lizards – The Martian
  • Orcs – KillerB
  • Chaos Dwarfs – Maxik
  • Undead – DrewCleary
  • Khorne – Cunning
  • Khorne – Istvan
  • Dark Elves – Elperas 


Playoff Qualification:

Top 5 from each division + the best 6th placed team


Visit Element Games here (Use the code DAN2300 at Checkout for double points)

For more Blood Bowl action:

Listen to the Two Drunk Flings podcast here

Listen to the Anything But A One podcast here