Waterbowl update + FUMBBL

Hello Again

 

Well I will start with an apology for taking so long to make a blog post. I am aware that it’s been a while. So lets get into what I have been up to

 

Waterbowl League

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In Round 7 my Ogres took on Matt Shaw’s Elven Union team and …… got absolutely decimated.

I despise Elven Union/Pro Elves and came out of this game on the painful side of a 6-0 loss!

Which is why, if I am being honest, I haven’t written a fluff piece on the game. I could barely look at my notes afterwards, And I was happy to take a break during the Bye Week.

Round 9 will be against the always great Ringbeard with his Amazon team, followed by Dark Elves in Week 10

 

In other tabletop, I helped Ringbeard with his NAFC preparation. He ran Halflings (my new love) against a Nurgle team. The game ended 1-0 to the ‘flings, with me making a mistake in the first half to deny myself a score; I need to count squares away from Treemen.

Getting away from Ogres was a nice palette cleanser, Nurgle being the team that seems to fit my playstyle a little easier.

 

SAWBBL

 

I am using Halflings in the FUMBBL based SAWBBL league. Even though I am not from the Swindon area, the Halfling Half Biscuit are there to prop up the division.

I am also recording each of my SAWBBL games on my YouTube channel, so check the playlist out there!

 

FUMBBL

 

I am using FUMBBL a lot more for my Blood Bowl fix. My record on there isn’t the greatest, but this is down to two reasons:

  1. I mainly use Halflings, Nurgle or Ogres
  2. I don’t cherrypick games

Unskilled stunty and Nurgle teams are very difficult to use against teams with even a couple of skills, with them being Tier 2 or 3 in usual tournaments.

The cherrypicking in Ranked games is something that I don’t buy into. I will play against any team, regardless of TV or Tier. This has meant my Halflings have been up against Skaven, High Elves, and Undead of all varieties.

If I was playing it to pad my rankings up, my Halflings would only play other Stunties, for example. But I like to play, so I don’t turn games down.

And speaking of which, if you would like to challenge me, and possibly appear on the channel, sling my an inbox on my Profile Page there.

 

….and finally

 

I am proud to announce my membership to the FLING NATION!

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With the newly released Halfling team, along with the YouTube channel and FUMBBL, this Waterbowl season will be the last I use anything but Halflings for the foreseeable future!

Special thanks go to the Two Drunk Flings cast for inspiring me in this decision.

I am just waiting for my shirt now!

 

Visit Element Games here (Use the code DAN2300 at Checkout for double points)

For more Blood Bowl action:

Listen to the Two Drunk Flings podcast here

Listen to the Anything But A One podcast here

Listen to the Double Skulls podcast here

 

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Waterbowl League – Game Week 11

Pox City slither over the line into Final Playoff place

 

The newly built Poxviridae Bowl was the stage for Blood Bowl action as Detroit Pox City took on the Clipstone Coalminers. After a long season a playoff berth would be guaranteed if the Nurglites were successful in the Game Week 11 encounter. For the Dwarfs there was pride to play for after a season of mixed fortune.

The stadium was bursting at its seams as 23 thousand boisterous fans swarmed in to find their seats amongst the fleshy stands. With nary a breeze in the air, and the sun heating the ground to an unbelievable stench, the teams set up for the coin toss. Coalminers Star Player Ruadhan won the toss and chose to receive while the determined Pox City defence attempted another of their famed kick offs.

As the whistle blew, Bruce Lŭvgŭnn hurled himself towards the ball using his patented Green Manalishi Two Prong Tip Toeing technique. The ball went high. Very high. But not very far, landing barely three paces into the Clipstone half. The usually stoic dwarfs moment of shock was seized upon by the City forward line as they claimed the ball seconds after it landed. Both teams clashed in the centre with armour denting and heads shaken. From the scramble debut Pestigor Parotitis bleated down the sidelines for the games first touchdown midway through the half.

The sun shone ever brighter after the score, Solkan as pleased as Nurgle for Pox City taking the lead. Wise to Lŭvgŭnn’s kicking shenanigans, the Coalminers lined up in a more conservative set up. This time the ball went deep to the dwarf right flank. With a play taken from an dusty book of ancient tactics, the entire team moved as a wave, swinging the ball from the right flank to the centre, and then down to the Pox City end-zone. The tag team of Haumea and Ruadhan making the score even shortly before the whistle blew for half time.

With halftime entertainment provided by the Three Stick Nurgling Clown Troupe and team-talks bellowed and grumbled, respectively, it was time for the second half. The final game of the season isn’t usually the time for experimentation, yet it was here that Pox City lined up with a three pronged Pestigor attack, with Bruce resting his feet.

Nurgle teams are renowned for a slow, grinding playstyle. The second half could be studied as a textbook case. The ball was glued to “Strutter” McGhee’s hand from the offset, with the willy player scampering around deep in the Clipstone half until seconds from the end. Not a half for the neutrals, perhaps. Definitely one for the Nurgle faithful as the last second touchdown ensured a playoff place.

When Pox City were drawn in a group with highly fancied Max Deadroom, Guardians of Ghrond and I Like Big Bulls And I Cannot Lie in the Lustria Division, few observers thought they could make it out of the blocks.

That theory was blown apart when they managed to claim a win against I Like Big Bulls in their opening match. 5 points from 6 in their consecutive Orc challenges gave Pox City a decent chance of escaping the group which they grasped with hands and tentacles after the Week 11 victory.

After the game the Detroit Pox City coach, in the middle of an interview, was turned into a creature of 3 eyes and seven wings. If this is a good or bad thing remains to be seen.

The next challenge facing Detroit Pox City is the almighty Grave City Gunslingers, yet another bookies favourite.
Will the Nurgle team have the true grit to qualify or will this be their last shot?

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Visit Element Games here (Use the code DAN2300 at Checkout for double points)

For more Blood Bowl action:

Listen to the Two Drunk Flings podcast here

Listen to the Anything But A One podcast here

Waterbowl – Lustria Playoff Predictions

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WEEK 10 TABLE

# Coach Team Race TV Pld W D L TD Cas Pts
1 cjblackburn Max Deadroom Undead 1470k 9 8 1 0 15 6 26
2 douglowe I, Eldarius Wood Elf 1560k 9 5 3 1 9 0 22
3 TheGngrNoob Detroit Pox City Nurgle 1240k 10 4 2 4 -2 2 20
4 Ringbeard Guardians of Ghrond Dark Elf 1500k 9 4 2 3 1 -1 19
5 Isvan The Weather Veins Vampire 1490k 9 4 2 3 -4 -7 19
6 The Martian Lil Green Meanies Orc 1520k 10 2 4 4 -1 2 18
7 Tintenfisch I like big bulls and I cannot lie Chaos Dwarf 1370k 9 3 3 3 0 2 18
8 Jimbob Kracked Toof Orc 1500k 9 2 4 3 -3 8 17
9 EndoSpartan The Dapper Lycanthropes Necromantic 1510k 9 2 3 4 0 -4 16
10 Adam boo The Bone Idles Khemri 1280k 8 2 4 2 -2 3 16
11 Chebby Clipstone Coalminers Dwarf 1130k 9 1 4 4 -6 -4 15
12 Queek Baltimore Skavens Skaven 1280k 9 1 2 6 -5 -7 13

 

This is the league table going in to Week 10. The lone game of this week being my 2-1 win over Lil Green Meanies. A win which currently has the record for biggest underdog win in the league (TV 1520 vs TV1250).

But even with this win, could I make the playoffs?

Let’s try and find out, making predictions based on league positions, race matchups and tiers.

 

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Week 10 Fixtures (Positions in brackets)

 
Guardians of Ghrond  (4)  –   (5)     Weather Veins

In this game I can see the Guardians winning. Although 5 Strength 4 Vampires could really hurt the Dark Elves, should they be able to catch them.

Prediction: Guardians Win

 
Max Deadroom             (1)  –   (8)     Kracked Toof 

I cannot see Max Deadroom losing a game this week, CJ being a wizard with the team.

Prediction: Deadroom Win

 

I, Eldarius                      (2)   –   (11)  Clipstone Coalminers 

The nippy Wood Elves should pick up a win here. The Dwarfs hopes relying on a 2-1 grind

Prediction: I, Eldarius Win

 

Baltimore Skavens      (12)  –   (9)    Dapper Lycanthropes

After winning their first game last week, I predict an unfortunate return to form this week for the Skavens.

Prediction: Dapper Lycanthropes Win

 

Bone Idles                      (10)   –  (7)   Big Bulls

This has draw written all over it. The Khemri defence seems solid against a slow/mid paced team. Although stranger things have happened.

Prediction Draw

 

Projected League Table -End of Week 10

# Name Points
1 Max Deadroom 29
2 I, Eldarius 25
3 Guardians of Ghrond 22
4 Big Bulls 20
5 Detroit Pox City 20
6 The Weather Veins 20
7 The Dapper Lycanthropes 19
8 Lil Green Meanies 18
9 Kracked Toof 18
10 The Bone Idles 18
11 Clipstone Coalminers 16
12 Baltimore Skavens 14

 

As per my predictions, Max Deadroom would be crowned as division champions, with I, Eldarius as the runner up.

At the bottom, The Bone Idles, Clipstone Coalminers and Baltimore Skavens would be mathematically out of the running

 

Week 11 Fixtures (Predicted positions in brackets)

 
Weather Veins   (6)  –   (9)   Kracked Toof

Although the Vampires are higher in the division, Orcs are tough against any team. Especially a team that likes to hit. I call a draw

Prediction: Draw

 
I, Eldarius   (2)  –   (1)   Max Deadroom

In the battle of first and second, I think the Undead will finish undefeated and with a win

Prediction: Max Deadroom Win

 
Big Bulls   (4)  –   (12)   Baltimore Skavens

Heaping the misery on the Baltimore Skavens, with one eye on the Playoffs I see I Like Big Bulls And I Cannot Lie winning this

Prediction: Big Bulls Win

 
Detroit Pox City   (5)  –   (11)   Clipstone Coalminers

It’d be wrong without me predicting a win for myself now, wouldn’t it?

Prediction: Detroit Pox City Win

 
Bone Idles   (10)  –   (3)   Guardians of Ghrond

The skill gap between the teams will be telling in this match. Ringbeard’s experience should swing this game in his favour

Prediction: Guardians Win

 
Dapper Lycanthropes   (7)  –   (8)   Green Meanies

This will be a very close game. Orcs edge this for me.

Prediction: Lil Green Meanies win

 

Projected Final League Table

# Name Points
1 Max Deadroom 32
2 I, Eldarius 26
3 Guardians of Ghrond 25
4 Big Bulls 23
5 Detroit Pox City 23
6 The Weather Veins 22
7 The Dapper Lycanthropes 21
8 Lil Green Meanies 21
9 Kracked Toof 19
10 The Bone Idles 19
11 Clipstone Coalminers 17
12 Baltimore Skavens 15

 

Well according to my optimistic predictions, I would not finish in the Top 4 on TD difference. This isn’t surprising considering my usual win is by 1 TD and losses of 2 or 3.

The four predicted Lustria playoff representatives are strong teams, with CJ being one of the favourites for the overall championship

Now it is time to see how it plays out in real life!

 

Visit Element Games here (Use the code DAN2300 at Checkout for double points)

For more Blood Bowl action:

Listen to the Two Drunk Flings podcast here

Listen to the Anything But A One podcast here

Waterbowl League – Game Week 7

This week we have a special match report from Brianne Tribune reporter Gerard Le Cordonnier

Of Pus and Blood

‘Allo, after my last match report I was stricken with a variety of maladies. Now refreshed, with boils lanced and drained, I have returned. Partially due to ever increasing medical bills. And for the finest Tilean chirurgeons, one pays the finest price.

With nary a tickle in my throat I took my seat. The blanket of blizzard did not calm the spirits of the 24 thousand in attendance, with the Weather Veins throng being particularly vocal.

Perhaps it was the remnants of Doktor Morosini’s elixirs, but I felt utterly engrossed in the sidelines in the moments before the game. So much so that all my focus seemed to be directed towards a Weather Veins player. His obsidian eyes seemed to be luring me in. His porcelain skin as pale as the snow that flickered before him….

With points even in the Lustria Division, both teams are looking towards the Top 3 spots and Play Off glory! Following a tough scoreless draw vs Chaos Dwarfs, the Vampires are looking to carry on their impressive season.

Detroit Pox City slithered on to the pitch with yet another new Pestigor. Perhaps they have a farm somewhere that they are breeding them…on second thoughts, the less I know about that, the better. With a win over the Baltimore Skavens under their belt, can the maggot filled mutants claim the victory today?

With coin tossed and halves picked, it was time for some slightly living Blood Bowl Action!

In my time away, the Nurgle team have evidently been working on their kicking routine. Bruce Lŭvgŭnn lofted the ball long, the entire Pox City team blitzed forward, and the ball settled in a snow mound deep in the Vampire’s end zone.

Through the thick snow it was hard to fathom the action occurring on the pitch, with a lull in the snow letting one see the Vampire’s scoring half way through the first half.

Another kick off and another great riposte from the Nurgle players. With as much elegance as a diseased man can have, City’s team drove forward with a fervor, which lasted all of a few seconds. For all of their enthusiasm, the Vampires attacked back with the blood lust they are famed for, scoring a second touchdown with minutes left on the clock.

Frustration was setting in with the Detroit Pox City players by this point. Ankh Thayer attempted to launch the ball at the head of star Pestigor Phillip. But the goat creature managed to swipe the ball from its path. The referee dismissed Tomas Parasite shortly afterwards for dropping an elbow on a prone Veins thrall. Despite the Coach’s protestations that Parasite’s arm fell off onto the player, both player and coach received their marching orders.

The horn sounded with the score set at two to zero in favour of the bloodsuckers.

The atmosphere at halftime was tense. The Nurgle fans distraught and fighting amongst one another, completely divergent to their usual jovial nature. Curses and prayers to the Pox God were interspersed with bellows and infighting, as I made my way to sample the local Svartsoppa.

As is usual for this season of Blood Bowl, the halftime action left a lot to be desired. A troupe of mimes played out a series of acts, seemingly of a comic nature, judging by the guffaws of the local oafs. I, however, hold myself to a higher level of comedy, having seen the Great Luigi at the Ivory Theatre in Estalia.

With a glass of Von Culper’s Haimaphiltre and a biroldo I took my seat for the second half. Thankfully the food and drink warmed me, as the blizzard showed no signs of subsiding.

The Nurgle fans’ temper hadn’t subsided during the interval, with a large slab of masonry launched on the pitch, clipping the head of Plăstur-Kăstur as the ball was kicked skywards by the Vampires. The fans’ anger was the catalyst that Pox City needed, however, and they managed a decent drive down their right hand flank.

But as the Nurgle wave swept down the pitch they crashed against the rocks that were the Weather Veins defence, attack after attack being thwarted yards from the line. Bruce Lŭvgŭnn managed to incapacitate a Veins player before new Goat..man..thing ran the ball in for a touchdown!

Pressing for the win, Pox City shifted their kicking team towards one flank. However Lŭvgŭnn was still euphoric by his tackle before hand, trickling the kick only a few feet, causing a quick touchback. Before City could get their line shifted, the Weather Veins were already halfway down the pitch. Even a desperation tackle attempt by Phillip couldn’t stop the third touchdown.

With the horn for full time, and three points for the Vampire Counts, it was time to depart.

The Weather Veins carry on their push for the playoffs against the Dapper Lycanthropes, and to this I wish them all the best.

As for Detroit Pox City, they take on the Khemri team the Bone Idles. Despite the loss, I believe the Nurgle swarm can pick up a win.

As always, Santé

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Visit Element Games here (Use the code DAN2300 at Checkout for double points)

For more Blood Bowl action:

Listen to the Two Drunk Flings podcast here

Listen to the Anything But A One podcast here

Waterbowl – Week Five and Six Review

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# Coach Team Race TV Pld W D L TD Cas Pts
1 cjblackburn Max Deadroom Undead 1290k 6 6 0 0 12 7 18
2 douglowe I, Eldarius Wood Elf 1300k 7 3 3 1 6 0 16
3 Jimbob Kracked Toof Orc 1380k 6 2 3 1 0 9 13
4 Ringbeard Guardians of Ghrond Dark Elf 1230k 7 2 2 3 -3 -1 13
5 TheGngrNoob Detroit Pox City Nurgle 1220k 6 3 1 2 0 1 13
6 Isvan The Weather Veins Vampire 1300k 6 3 1 2 -3 -7 13
7 EndoSpartan The Dapper Lycanthropes Necromantic 1440k 6 2 2 2 3 -2 12
8 Tintenfisch I like big bulls and I cannot lie Chaos Dwarf 1310k 6 2 2 2 0 0 12
9 Adam boo The Bone Idles Khemri 1180k 5 1 3 1 -1 1 10
10 Chebby Clipstone Coalminers Dwarf 1200k 5 1 2 2 -2 -6 9
11 The Martian Lil Green Meanies Orc 1200k 5 0 3 2 -3 -1 8
12 Queek Baltimore Skavens Skaven 1250k 6 0 0 6 -7 -1 6
13 narked Manannsheim Buccaneers Human 1000k 1 0 0 1 -2 0 1
14 rollingskullz Honest To Gob Goblin 850k 0 0 0 0 0 0 0

 

Week 5 Results

I Like Big Bulls and I Cannot Lie   1-1   Lil Green Meanies

The Weather Veins   0-3   Max Deadroom

The Dapper Lycanthropes   4-1   Clipstone Coalminers

I, Eldarius   0-0   Detroit Pox City*

Baltimore Skavens   1-2   Guardians of Ghrond

The Bone Idles   1-1   Kracked Toof

 

*Match called a draw due to scheduling conflicts

 

Week 6 Results

The Weather Veins   0-0   I Like Big Bulls and I Cannot Lie

Guardians of Ghrond   0-2   Max Deadroom

I, Eldarius   3-1   Kracked Toof

Baltimore Skavens   1-2   Detroit Pox City

The Dapper Lycanthropes   0-0   Bone Idles

Clipstone Cowboys   TBA   Lil Green Meanies

 

Another fortnight, and still the gap between CJ and the rest is ever present. But with Doug on 16 points, and four teams on 13 points, there’s still time for twists this season.

My Nurgle managed a win against an extremely unlucky Skaven team. 1s rolled across the board with practically every player!

 

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BRETONNIA DIVISION: Citizen Khaine   2-2   TNS

THIS ONE WAS A BLOODBATH! 10 Casualties in total in this Elf on Elf clash, with the Darker brethren leading the casualty count 7 to 3!

 

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Sponsored by the Two Drunk ‘Flings podcast (Not really)

Waterbowl Halfling News

The Brandywine Custards continue their undefeated streak with a win, defeating the Bad Moon Rebels 3-0. This keeps them in 7th place, although only three points seperate them from 2nd Place in an extremely tight Bretonnia Division.

The Cincinnati Bagels lost their Week 5 game in a 2-0 loss to the high flying Amazonia Cardinals. Week 6 though saw them pick up their first draw of the season, stopping the 5 game losing streak! A 1-1 draw against the Chaos Dwarfs of Zharr Naggarund Steelers, never an easy match up for the stunties. This leaves them on 7 points with 6 Game Weeks remaining.

 

Visit Element Games here (Use the code DAN2300 at Checkout for double points)

For more Blood Bowl action:

Listen to the Two Drunk Flings podcast here

Listen to the Anything But A One podcast here

Waterbowl – Week Three and Four Review

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League Table

# Coach Team Race TV Pld W D L TD Cas Pts
1 cjblackburn Max Deadroom Undead 1050k 4 4 0 0 7 1 12
2 douglowe I, Eldarius Wood Elf 1250k 4 2 2 0 5 3 10
3 Tintenfisch I like big bulls and I cannot lie Chaos Dwarf 1240k 5 2 1 2 0 -1 10
4 Isvan The Weather Veins Vampire 1230k 4 3 0 1 0 -3 10
5 The Martian Lil Green Meanies Orc 1200k 5 0 3 2 -3 -1 8
6 Jimbob Kracked Toof Orc 1230k 4 1 2 1 -1 0 8
7 Ringbeard Guardians of Ghrond Dark Elf 1200k 4 1 2 1 0 0 8
8 TheGngrNoob Detroit Pox City Nurgle 980k 4 2 0 2 -1 -1 8
9 Chebby Clipstone Coalminers Dwarf 1130k 4 1 2 1 1 0 8
10 EndoSpartan The Dapper Lycanthropes Necromantic 1250k 4 1 1 2 0 -3 7
11 Adam boo The Bone Idles Khemri 1130k 3 1 1 1 -1 4 6
12 Queek Baltimore Skavens Skaven 1090k 4 0 0 4 -5 1 4
13 narked Manannsheim Buccaneers Human 1000k 1 0 0 1 -2 0 1
14 rollingskullz Honest To Gob Goblin 850k 0 0 0 0 0 0 0

My apologies for missing almost a month. My excuse is that I have been researching for a story!

Week 3 Results

Max Deadroom 2-0 Detroit Pox City

I, Eldarius 4-3 Baltimore Skavens

Lil Green Meanies 1-2 The Bone Idles

Guardians of Ghrond 0-2 I Like Big Bulls and I Cannot Lie

Clipstone Cowboys 0-1 The Weather Veins

The Dapper Lycanthropes 3-0 Kracked Toof

Week 4 Results

Lil Green Meanies 0-2 Max Deadroom

I Like Big Bulls and I Cannot Lie 2-1 The Dapper Lycanthropes

The Weather Veins 2-1 Baltimore Skavens

Detroit Pox City 0-2 Guardians of Ghrond

I, Eldarius 1-1 The Bone Idles

Kracked Toof 1-1 Clipstone Cowboys

Two losses in a row for my Nurgle, with a tough game versus I, Eldarius next.

CJ continues his undefeated streak and, barring a complete capitulation, will be the first name on the qualifying sheet

The first Round 5 game was a marital affair as I Like Big Bulls and I Cannot Lie and Lil Green Meanies played out a 1-1 draw on their holiday

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LUSTRIA DIVISION: Kracked Toof 1-1 Clipstone Cowboys

Not a high scoring, but an absolute bloodbath. The Orcs inflicted 6 casualties on their pint sized opponents!

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Sponsored by the Two Drunk ‘Flings podcast (Not really)

Waterbowl Halfling News

Mixed fortunes for the ‘flings

The Brandywine Custards drew both their games. A 1-1 draw versus the Wood Elves of TNS was followed by a 0-0 draw with the vampires of The Bloody Oranges. This leaves the Custards in the impressive 7th place of the Bretonnian division.

The Cincinnati Bagels lost their two games 2-1 and 2-0 to Orcs and Khemri, respectively, leaving them on a 0-4 record.

Visit Element Games here (Use the code DAN2300 at Checkout for double points)

For more Blood Bowl action:

Listen to the Two Drunk Flings podcast here

Listen to the Anything But A One podcast here

Waterbowl League – Game Week 2

This week we have a special match report from Brianne Tribune reporter Gerard Le Cordonnier

Best of a Rotten situation

There was once a great Estalian explorer, Enrico Ricci. In his great tome, The Old World: Flora, Fauna and Fornication, he mentioned that deep within the jungles of Lustria grows a plant. This plant, when in a stage of infrequent bloom, produces a stench so foul, it could put a troll off its dinner. However I believe a bouquet of them would be a fragrance suitable for The Lady herself when compared to the aroma of a Necromantic Vs Nurgle game of Blood Bowl.

With my skin itching I took my seat. There is an old Bretonnian phrase that “Every village has an idiot.” I had the misfortune of sitting betwixt an entire realm’s worth.

In my years as a travelling scribe I have visited the majestic Altdorf Oldbowl. I have marvelled in acrobatic displays in glorious Ulthuan. I have voyaged deep underground to write on a pair of Dwarven Kings in a grudge series. As I sat upon an upturned stone slab, the breath of an unwashed orc on my neck, I had to remind myself that this was merely a dip in fortune.

The aptly named Dapper Lycanthropes came into this match on the back of a draw against I, Eldarius. Sporting a pair of werewolves, Old Man Jenkins’ the captain flesh golem, one ghoul and a shambling of zombies, they entered the game as favourites. Local bookmaker Mad Patty Power giving them odds of 8/11 for a win.

Detroit Pox City entered the game in high spirits, the ever phlegmatic Bruce Lŭvgŭnn stating, “Win for the Pox God!” Eloquence notwithstanding they walked onto the pitch with all the swagger of a Breton lord after a large supper.

The Dapper Lycanthropes won the toss and elected to receive. From my vantage point the centre of the pitch seemed hazy and the unmistakable buzzing sound of bloatflies set the soundtrack for the game.

The match started with all the pace and elegance of a Halfling wading through treacle, only the double team of werewolves moving at anything resembling speed. But this speed proved to be the undoing of Lysander Puddlesworth as he overshot his run past Belial, Pox City’s star pestigor, who then nudged him into the away fans stand.

The werewolf had been attempting to find space for a pass, get it would have a been in vain as the soaring ball was plucked out of the air by Plăstur-Kăstur.

Detroit Pox City launched their attack. Plăstur-Kăstur lofted a pass to Tomas Parasite who jogged coughing and spluttering towards the end zone.

The midfield was a first fight of dead and rotting flesh, the peg nosed referee eager to take a step back while grounded players were stomped.

Tomas crossed the goal line just as halftime struck, Detroit Pox City taking a One-Zero lead into the halftime interval.

If the smell of the teams was bad then the halftime food stalls were truly repugnant. I surveyed the various pots of untrustworthy broths, with a sliding scale of living and dead creatures, and declined a meal.

The halftime show involved local “musician” Nekrota. Alternating between guttural growls and dog like howls one would almost wish to be dead, never mind undead. Tristan le Troubadour she is not.

After the food and entertainment, words used as loose a bar girl’s garter, I was happy to have a ewer of Friar Benedictine’s elixir to raise my spirits for the second half.

Between halves, The Dapper Lycanthrope’s coaching team managed to sew the various parts of the dead werewolf back together. No doubt adding extras from unwilling members of the crowd.

With a final lock stitch the Necromantic team were ready to kick off the second half.

The kick was short, veering towards City’s left flank. A trio of rotters enveloped the ball as they started their drive up field. Lŭvgŭnn marched forward, ball tucked in the boils under his arm, ready to traverse the carnage ahead.

Five Necromantic players were sent to the recovery box, while the City number 4 was caught with business end of an Old Man Jenkins’ headbutt, crunching him to the ground. Only his ankle remained of Erik Kulick once the body was swept away.

The second half also carried on the bizarre grudge match between Baby Face Tom and Ankh Thayer. Tom hit Thayer. Thayer got up and hit Tom. Tom got up and hit Thayer. Each player getting knocked down and getting back up again. A strange side motif in the game. One that will be sung about by drunken oafs in local taverns no doubt.

With the bloaters, and Beth the bloatspawn, engrossed in carnage, it was a surprise to me that no Dapper Lycanthrope players were sent to their respective injury dugouts. Both teams lucky to not receive more than putrid flesh wounds.

With the time ticking away Lŭvgŭnn crossed to score. Seconds remained as Detroit Pox City kicked off.

The ball was kicked.

A Rotter was thumped.

The referee blew his whistle.

Two wins from two for Detroit Pox City. The third round game against pre-season favourites Max Deadroom will be the barometer of the team. Are they just a flash in the pestilent pan?

The Dapper Lycanthropes are still searching for a win this season and could be in need of a rebuild. Rumours of the local graveyard being upturned by figures in Lycanthrope colours could not be confirmed.

After the game I had the dubious pleasure to speaker to top Nurgle agent Hoary Menieredes. He/it informed me that Pox City were scouting a local leper colony for recruits. “My client is blessed by the pox father. He might not be much to look at, but no one can stop an ogre charge with his face like he can!” High praise indeed.

Now I have to go. The village apothecary would like to examine the rash on my leg. And I feel like I’ve been followed by a man with a pronounced hump…

– scriptina.regular

 

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