Waterbowl – ‘n Thorg Preview

The Teams

‘n Thorg

#	Coach	Team	Race	TV	Pld	W	D	L	TD	Cas	Pts
1	Barney	Zakynthos Zoadiacs	Slann	1000k	0	0	0	0	0	0	0
2	Volkmair	Gorgoth Bulls	Chaos Dwarf	980k	0	0	0	0	0	0	0
3	Podfrey	Bone Thugz & Harmony	Khemri	1000k	0	0	0	0	0	0	0
4	Davelklatzen	Acceptable in the 80’s	Nurgle	980k	0	0	0	0	0	0	0
5	Leipziger	To RR Is Human	Human	990k	0	0	0	0	0	0	0
6	Bigbenbear	Grom’s Gnashers	Orc	1000k	0	0	0	0	0	0	0
7	cjblackburn	Born Slippy	Underworld	990k	0	0	0	0	0	0	0
8	Brionnebiletappers	Hat Headed Hatefilled Hat Haters	Chaos Dwarf	1000k	0	0	0	0	0	0	0
9	Heatoncoach	Viral Communication Breakdown	Nurgle	990k	0	0	0	0	0	0	0
10	Gniuz	All Star Small Things	Dwarf	1000k	0	0	0	0	0	0	0
11	Jimbob	Raccoon City Cannibals	Undead	1000k	0	0	0	0	0	0	0
12	Vagabond1982uk	Decadent Horde	Chaos	1000k	0	0	0	0	0	0	0
13	Beanbag	Gateau Superstars	Halfling	770k	0	0	0	0	0	0	0

 

With a potent mix of Veterans and Up And Comers, the ‘n Thorg division contains some of the finest names in Blood Bowl. And Leipziger.

 

Bone Thugz & Harmony – Khemri – Podfrey

Reigning NAF Championship winner Podfrey enters the season coaching one of the lowest ranked teams in Blood Bowl. This, however, lowers his ability to merely demigod levels.

His first victim, sorry, first opponent is the mighty Halfling team the Gateau Superstars. Giving an air of 90s rap nostalgia to proceedings.

 

Decadent Horde – Chaos – Vagabond1982uk

The lone vanilla Chaos team in the division, and a rare foray into a more bash minded team for the coach. Two smash mouth games start off the season before the soft amphibian underbelly of Zakynthos Zoadiacs wait in Round 3.

In an aggressive looking league it will be interesting to see how the team develops, or should that be mutates, during the season.

 

Gorgoth Bulls – Chaos Dwarfs – Volkmair 

Waterbowl 13 Most Casualties winner Volkmair coaches the more tusky variety of Dwarfs in this Waterbowl season. With an opening three games consisting of Chaos, Nurgle, and Halflings, will those injury rolls still be with him throughout the season?

The Round 5 Chaos Dwarf on Chaos Dwarf matchup jumps out as a potential highlight for the season.

 

Hat Headed Hatefilled Hat Haters – Chaos Dwarfs – Brionnebiletappers

The second and more alliteratively named Chaos Dwarf team the Hat Headed Hatefilled Hat Haters. After reaching the playoffs last season, in what was a bloodbath of a game, Brionnebiletappers will be hoping for more of that regular season form.

Pencil these in as my Wildcard to reach the playoffs.

 

All Star Small Things – Dwarfs – Gniuz

If Gniuz was looking to improve on last year’s record, this is possibly the worst division to be drawn into. But his hard headed Dwarf team could grind out those victories.

An opening game against Nurgle makes way for games vs Underworld and Humans. All three games could see casualties on the board, and hopefully touchdowns for the bearded fellows.

 

Gateau Superstars – Halflings – Beanbag

Poor Beanbag. Drawn into the most bash heavy of the three divisions, the lone stunties must be writing their wills already.

Round 1 sees the ‘flings taking on the always scary Khemri, before a possibly less hitting game against humans in Round 2. An aerial assault could get points on the board for the Superstars but I have a feeling that there won’t be much to write home about.

 

To RR Is Human – Humans – Leipziger

The sole Human team. Coached by renowned scoundrel and cad Leipziger, the League Commissioner is up for a tough season. Whether through sheer fluke or nefarious means he manages to avoid the perceived Top 3 Coaches until late in the season. Lets see if that turns out to be a blessing or curse.

 

Acceptable in the 80’s – Nurgle – Davelklatzen

After reaching the playoffs last season, Davelklatzen will be hoping for more of the same with his Nurgle team. A tough opening three rounds could prove tricky for the rookie Nurgle squad, however.

 

Viral Communication Breakdown – Nurgle – Heatoncoach

With a Beast of Nurgle flying in from sunny Spain, our second Nurgle team are a newish addition to the tabletop circuit. Starting with a 2 Pestigor 3 Warrior build, the increased speed to the sluggish Nurgle team will come in handy against the Round 1 Human opponents.

Matches versus Chaos Dwarfs and Orcs follow in what will be two aggressive matchups.

 

Grom’s Gnashers – Orcs – Bigbenbear

Starting without the cookie cutter Orc build, Grom’s Gnashers will be hoping luck is on their side with 4 re-rolls. The Hat Headed Hatefilled Hat Haters will be the first challenge for the Orcs.

Four bash teams in a row is never the easiest run, but with high armour and re-rolls the Orcs could be off to a flyer

 

Zakynthos Zoadiacs – Slann – Barney

One of the top coaches in the league, Barney’s Slann will be looking to leap into the playoff picture. But two tough games kick off the Zodiacs’ season.

The second round clash versus Podfrey may very well be the division decider.

 

Raccoon City Cannibals – Undead – Jimbob

Last season was middling for Jimbob and his Orcs. The Raccoon City Cannibals face the Zakynthos Zodiacs in a tough start for the Undead. They could leverage their comparative speed in the next games against Nurgle and Orcs before a walking dead clash against Podfrey’s Khemri.

 

Born Slippy – Underworld – cjblackburn

Amassing 21 wins over last year’s Premier and Veteran’s Leagues CJ makes up the trio of pre-season favourites.

After a bye week, Born Slippy tackle the All Star Small Things Dwarf team.

 

Predictions

The top 3 favourites for the division, and the League overall, have to be Podfrey, Barney and CJBlackburn.

After that I predict Brionnebiletappers to make up the Top 4.

My soft spot this year will be for BeanBag’s Halflings.

 

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Waterbowl – Skuttlespike Preview

The Teams

Skuttlespike

#	Coach	Team	Race	TV	Pld	W	D	L	TD	Cas	Pts
1	Chebby	The Mighty Gorgons	Chaos	1000k	0	0	0	0	0	0	0
2	Rick Wreckless	Beautiful On The Inside	Nurgle	1000k	0	0	0	0	0	0	0
3	Ben Shaw	Hugh Mans	Human	990k	0	0	0	0	0	0	0
4	douglowe	Last of the Summer Plague	Nurgle	1000k	0	0	0	0	0	0	0
5	Tintenfisch	Here comes the Sidestepper	Elf	1000k	0	0	0	0	0	0	0
6	Moysie	Purple Show Ponies	Elf	1000k	0	0	0	0	0	0	0
7	Dafo	Magenta Maniacs	Goblin	880k	0	0	0	0	0	0	0
8	TheGngrNoob	The Shreking Balls	Ogre	1000k	0	0	0	0	0	0	0
9	Chilli	Har Ganeth Reivers	Dark Elf	1000k	0	0	0	0	0	0	0
10	Ringbeard	Tabazco Tarantulas	Amazon	960k	0	0	0	0	0	0	0
11	spoboyle	Ground Frog Day	Slann	1000k	0	0	0	0	0	0	0
12	deeferdan	Horn’em Globetrotters	Chaos	1000k	0	0	0	0	0	0	0
13	Kanter	Sisters of a Down	Human	1000k	0	0	0	0	0	0	0

As the dust settles on the draw, the preseason excitement is palpable. With a mix of veterans and newer coaches let’s take a look at the teams!

 

Tabazco Tarantulas – Amazons – Ringbeard

We will start our review with the seeded coach, and favourite to take the division.

His strong Blitzer Amazon build kicks off the season with a clash against The Mighty Gorgons. Tackling the Chaos team before they can get skilled up is perfect for the fledgling Amazons. The following two games also have a Chaotic slant, with Nurgle and Chaos matches respectively.

Plays me in Round 9

 

The Mighty Gorgons – Chaos – Chebby

The first of two Chaos teams in Skuttlespike, The Mighty Gorgons. The Sure Hands Beastman will help the early ball moving difficulties that Chaos teams can face. After an opening match against the seeded Tabazco Tarantulas, the next two games should help the Gorgons to settle in to their natural hitting tactics. Although going man on man (Beastman on man?) with the other Chaos team could prove to be carnage!

Plays me in Round 4

 

Horn’em Globetrotters – Chaos – deeferdan 

The second of our two Chaos teams is coached by deeferdan of Double Skulls podcasting fame. Like the other Chaos team, Dan picked a skill to help wit ball handling. However he eschewed the Sure Hands route for the much more thematic Extra Arms mutation. Today isn’t the day to run the maths on which skill is better.

The Globetrotters face the Troll-less Magenta Maniacs Goblin team in the first round. A match that could end up in a pitch clearing.

Plays me in Round 13

 

Har Ganeth Reivers – Dark Elf – Chilli 

Fresh from his strong showing in the Waterbowl Veterans League, Chilli could be one to watch this season. If the Har Ganeth Reivers can avoid injuries during the 3 game stretch from Round 9 (Nurgle – Ogres – Chaos) then the Dark Elves could be dark horses this year.

Round 1 sees the Dark Elves take on Doug Lowe’s Nurgle, a clash of two of the top coaches in the division.

Plays me in Round 10

 

Here comes the Sidestepper – Elf – Tintenfisch

Seemingly my perennial Round 1 opponent, Tintenfisch has traded in his Chaos Dwarfs for Elven Union this season. A mixed start sees Ogres, an Elven mirror match, and Chaos in the opening few weeks.

Round 1 against Ogres has paper thin armour vs Mighty Blow Ogres. If they catch the Elves then it could be akin to a 7s game in Round 2. IF they can catch them.

Plays me in Round 1

 

Purple Show Ponies – Elf – Moysie

With déjà vu on the team roster we reach our second Elven Union team. Whereas Tintenfisch starts against Bash teams, the Purple Show Ponies face two Human teams and the other Elves. If this translates into less violent games remains to be seen.

Moysie will be pushing for the automatic playoff places this season.

Plays me in Round 7

 

Magenta Maniacs – Goblin – Dafo

With an unorthodox build, Magenta Maniacs enter the league with more dirty tricks than the Red Light District. No Trolls ensures the only really stupid action will be standing in front of the fanatic.

The Goblins begin their campaign against Chaos, followed by Nurgle and Slann. The first two games could see a revolving door of goblins in and out of the team.

Plays me in Round 5 (STUNTY MATCH!)

 

Sisters of a Down – Human – Kanter

Bringing Gallic flair Kanter brings an ogre spearheaded Human team to the division. The Sisters of a Down face a baptism of fire with three of the division’s top coaches in his first three games.

Round 1 sees the Humans take on the Purple Show Ponies. With the next rounds seeing matches against Chilli’s Dark Elves and Douglowe’s Nurgle

Plays me in Round 6

 

Hugh Mans – Human – Ben Shaw

Another Human team and another Ogre involved. The Hugh Mans biggest game, for the casual fan, comes in Round 3. Sibling rivalry is sure to whet the appetite.

His debut season starts matches against Nurgle, Ogres and Elven Union.

Plays me in Round 2

 

Last of the Summer Plague – Nurgle – douglowe

Another of the Playoff contenders, Doug takes on the mantle of Nurgle coach this season. No doubt inspired by our game last year.

If he manages a regular season like last season then the rest of the division should be on notice. Rounds 7-9 could be tough, although the Nurgle team should be properly seasoned by then.

Plays me in Round 11

 

Beautiful On The Inside – Nurgle – RickWreckless

Beautiful On The Inside begin the season with the same lineup as my own Detroit Pox City started with last year. However they get the boost of 2 Rotters with the skills of Block and Wrestle.

Wrestle in particular could come in handy in Round 3, when they come up against the Tabazco Tarantulas. Amazons can be a tricky prospect, but against an early Nurgle team it can snowball quickly.

Plays me in Round 2

 

Ground Frog Day – Slann – spoboyle 

The Slann will be looking to leverage their cage breaking abilities after their Round 1 Bye week. Dark Elves will be there to meet the well rested team.

In a relatively mixed division of Bash and Agility, Ground Frog Day could spring out as one of the surprise teams this year.

Plays me in Round 12

 

THE SHREKING BALLS – OGRES – THEGNGRNOOB 

After last season I decided I needed to work more on my defensive positioning. So what better than to use a team that can barely tackle?! One day I’ll play sensibly.

The opening rounds sees me take on Elven Union, Humans, and my beloved Nurgle.

 

Predictions

DougLowe, Ringbeard, Chilli and Moysie are the frontrunners of the division and I think these will easily make up the Top 4.

Tintenfisch, Chebby and Deeferdan will probably be in a standoff for the final Playoff Place. Although Spoboyle’s Slann could surprise many.

As for myself, I will be ecstatic with a 6-6 Record; happy with 4-8; wouldn’t mind 1-11 as long as I beat Chilli!

 

Visit Element Games here (Use the code DAN2300 at Checkout for double points)

For more Blood Bowl action:

Listen to the Two Drunk Flings podcast here

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Waterbowl League 2019

IT’S DRAW DAY!

This season’s Waterbowl began with a pre-season twist…certain teams would gain skills for FREE.

The lower tier teams began with 2 skills, with Stunty teams having the option of trading the 2 for a Double skill.

With these skills being dispensed like confetti at a wedding, it was not surprising to then see 6 Nurgle teams lining up this season!

 

The Draw Rules

The draw had 3 well deserved top seeds:

• Kåre Foged, last years Champ
• Geoff Porritt
• Alex Barbanneau

With the other teams limited to a maximum of two of the same race per division.

The racial line up is as follows:

Amazon: Ringbeard (1)
Chaos: Deeferdan, Vagabond, Chebby (3)
Chaos Dwarf: Maxik, Volkmair, Brionnebiletappers (3)
Dark Elf: Chilli, Elperas (2)
Dwarf: Gniuz (1)
Elven Union: Moysie, Tintenfisch (2)
Goblin: Dafo (1)
Halfling: Beanbag, Campmark (2)
Human: Leipziger, Caeser, Ben Shaw, Fireolli, Kanter, (5)
Khemri: Podfrey (1)
Khorne: Cunning, Istvan (2)
Lizardmen: The Martian (1)
Nurgle: Heatoncoach, RickWreckless, Kfoged, Douglowe, Blessedknight, Davelklatzen (6)
Ogre: TheGngrNoob
Orc: KillerB, CarolusMagnus, Bigbenbear
Slann: Barney the Lurker, Spoboyle
Undead: JimBob, DrewCleary
Underworld: CJBlackburn

No place for Necromantic or Wood Elf teams makes this season seem rather skewed.

Draw Structure:

1) Draw seeded teams

2) Draw the Nurgle teams, 2 per division

3) Draw the Human team

4) Draw the rest of the teams (keeping a Max of two per race per division)

 

Pre-Draw Thoughts

My pre-draw favourite is CJ. Great player and if anyone can make Underworld work then it is him!

 

The Draw

Hosted live on Facebook by the League Commissioner, and viewed by literally some people, the 2019 season began to take shape.

The Divisions were drawn as follows:

SKUTTLESPIKE 

• Amazons – Ringbeard
• Nurgle – Douglowe
• Nurgle – RickWreckless
• Humans – Ben Shaw
• Humans – Kanter
• Ogres – TheGngrNoob
• Chaos – Chebby
• Dark Elves – Chilli
• Elven Union – Moysie
• Elven Union – Tintenfisch 
• Chaos – DeeferDan
• Slann – Spoboyle
• Goblins – Dafo 

 

‘N THORG

• Khemri – Podfrey
• Nurgle – Davelklatzen
• Nurgle – Heatoncoach
• Humans – Leipziger
• Underworld – CJBlackburn
• Undead – JimBob
• Chaos Dwarfs – Brionnebiletappers
• Slann – Barney the Lurker
• Chaos – Vagabond
• Dwarfs – Gniuz
• Halflings – Beanbag
• Chaos Dwarfs – Volkmair
• Orcs – Bigbenbear

 

DARKNAIL

• Nurgle – KFoged
• Nurgle – Blessedknight
• Humans – Fireolli
• Humans – Caeser
• Orcs – CarolusMagnus
• Halflings – Campmark 
• Lizards – The Martian
• Orcs – KillerB
• Chaos Dwarfs – Maxik
• Undead – DrewCleary
• Khorne – Cunning
• Khorne – Istvan
• Dark Elves – Elperas 

 

Playoff Qualification:

Top 5 from each division + the best 6th placed team

 

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For more Blood Bowl action:

Listen to the Two Drunk Flings podcast here

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Waterbowl League – Game Week 11

Pox City slither over the line into Final Playoff place

 

The newly built Poxviridae Bowl was the stage for Blood Bowl action as Detroit Pox City took on the Clipstone Coalminers. After a long season a playoff berth would be guaranteed if the Nurglites were successful in the Game Week 11 encounter. For the Dwarfs there was pride to play for after a season of mixed fortune.

The stadium was bursting at its seams as 23 thousand boisterous fans swarmed in to find their seats amongst the fleshy stands. With nary a breeze in the air, and the sun heating the ground to an unbelievable stench, the teams set up for the coin toss. Coalminers Star Player Ruadhan won the toss and chose to receive while the determined Pox City defence attempted another of their famed kick offs.

As the whistle blew, Bruce Lŭvgŭnn hurled himself towards the ball using his patented Green Manalishi Two Prong Tip Toeing technique. The ball went high. Very high. But not very far, landing barely three paces into the Clipstone half. The usually stoic dwarfs moment of shock was seized upon by the City forward line as they claimed the ball seconds after it landed. Both teams clashed in the centre with armour denting and heads shaken. From the scramble debut Pestigor Parotitis bleated down the sidelines for the games first touchdown midway through the half.

The sun shone ever brighter after the score, Solkan as pleased as Nurgle for Pox City taking the lead. Wise to Lŭvgŭnn’s kicking shenanigans, the Coalminers lined up in a more conservative set up. This time the ball went deep to the dwarf right flank. With a play taken from an dusty book of ancient tactics, the entire team moved as a wave, swinging the ball from the right flank to the centre, and then down to the Pox City end-zone. The tag team of Haumea and Ruadhan making the score even shortly before the whistle blew for half time.

With halftime entertainment provided by the Three Stick Nurgling Clown Troupe and team-talks bellowed and grumbled, respectively, it was time for the second half. The final game of the season isn’t usually the time for experimentation, yet it was here that Pox City lined up with a three pronged Pestigor attack, with Bruce resting his feet.

Nurgle teams are renowned for a slow, grinding playstyle. The second half could be studied as a textbook case. The ball was glued to “Strutter” McGhee’s hand from the offset, with the willy player scampering around deep in the Clipstone half until seconds from the end. Not a half for the neutrals, perhaps. Definitely one for the Nurgle faithful as the last second touchdown ensured a playoff place.

When Pox City were drawn in a group with highly fancied Max Deadroom, Guardians of Ghrond and I Like Big Bulls And I Cannot Lie in the Lustria Division, few observers thought they could make it out of the blocks.

That theory was blown apart when they managed to claim a win against I Like Big Bulls in their opening match. 5 points from 6 in their consecutive Orc challenges gave Pox City a decent chance of escaping the group which they grasped with hands and tentacles after the Week 11 victory.

After the game the Detroit Pox City coach, in the middle of an interview, was turned into a creature of 3 eyes and seven wings. If this is a good or bad thing remains to be seen.

The next challenge facing Detroit Pox City is the almighty Grave City Gunslingers, yet another bookies favourite.
Will the Nurgle team have the true grit to qualify or will this be their last shot?

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Waterbowl – Lustria Playoff Predictions

WEEK 10 TABLE

#	Coach	Team	Race	TV	Pld	W	D	L	TD	Cas	Pts
1	cjblackburn	Max Deadroom	Undead	1470k	9	8	1	0	15	6	26
2	douglowe	I, Eldarius	Wood Elf	1560k	9	5	3	1	9	0	22
3	TheGngrNoob	Detroit Pox City	Nurgle	1240k	10	4	2	4	-2	2	20
4	Ringbeard	Guardians of Ghrond	Dark Elf	1500k	9	4	2	3	1	-1	19
5	Isvan	The Weather Veins	Vampire	1490k	9	4	2	3	-4	-7	19
6	The Martian	Lil Green Meanies	Orc	1520k	10	2	4	4	-1	2	18
7	Tintenfisch	I like big bulls and I cannot lie	Chaos Dwarf	1370k	9	3	3	3	0	2	18
8	Jimbob	Kracked Toof	Orc	1500k	9	2	4	3	-3	8	17
9	EndoSpartan	The Dapper Lycanthropes	Necromantic	1510k	9	2	3	4	0	-4	16
10	Adam boo	The Bone Idles	Khemri	1280k	8	2	4	2	-2	3	16
11	Chebby	Clipstone Coalminers	Dwarf	1130k	9	1	4	4	-6	-4	15
12	Queek	Baltimore Skavens	Skaven	1280k	9	1	2	6	-5	-7	13

 

This is the league table going in to Week 10. The lone game of this week being my 2-1 win over Lil Green Meanies. A win which currently has the record for biggest underdog win in the league (TV 1520 vs TV1250).

But even with this win, could I make the playoffs?

Let’s try and find out, making predictions based on league positions, race matchups and tiers.

 

 

Week 10 Fixtures (Positions in brackets)

 
Guardians of Ghrond  (4)  –   (5)     Weather Veins

In this game I can see the Guardians winning. Although 5 Strength 4 Vampires could really hurt the Dark Elves, should they be able to catch them.

Prediction: Guardians Win

 
Max Deadroom             (1)  –   (8)     Kracked Toof 

I cannot see Max Deadroom losing a game this week, CJ being a wizard with the team.

Prediction: Deadroom Win

 

I, Eldarius                      (2)   –   (11)  Clipstone Coalminers 

The nippy Wood Elves should pick up a win here. The Dwarfs hopes relying on a 2-1 grind

Prediction: I, Eldarius Win

 

Baltimore Skavens      (12)  –   (9)    Dapper Lycanthropes

After winning their first game last week, I predict an unfortunate return to form this week for the Skavens.

Prediction: Dapper Lycanthropes Win

 

Bone Idles                      (10)   –  (7)   Big Bulls

This has draw written all over it. The Khemri defence seems solid against a slow/mid paced team. Although stranger things have happened.

Prediction Draw

 

Projected League Table -End of Week 10

#	Name	Points
1	Max Deadroom	29
2	I, Eldarius	25
3	Guardians of Ghrond	22
4	Big Bulls	20
5	Detroit Pox City	20
6	The Weather Veins	20
7	The Dapper Lycanthropes	19
8	Lil Green Meanies	18
9	Kracked Toof	18
10	The Bone Idles	18
11	Clipstone Coalminers	16
12	Baltimore Skavens	14

 

As per my predictions, Max Deadroom would be crowned as division champions, with I, Eldarius as the runner up.

At the bottom, The Bone Idles, Clipstone Coalminers and Baltimore Skavens would be mathematically out of the running

 

Week 11 Fixtures (Predicted positions in brackets)

 
Weather Veins   (6)  –   (9)   Kracked Toof

Although the Vampires are higher in the division, Orcs are tough against any team. Especially a team that likes to hit. I call a draw

Prediction: Draw

 
I, Eldarius   (2)  –   (1)   Max Deadroom

In the battle of first and second, I think the Undead will finish undefeated and with a win

Prediction: Max Deadroom Win

 
Big Bulls   (4)  –   (12)   Baltimore Skavens

Heaping the misery on the Baltimore Skavens, with one eye on the Playoffs I see I Like Big Bulls And I Cannot Lie winning this

Prediction: Big Bulls Win

 
Detroit Pox City   (5)  –   (11)   Clipstone Coalminers

It’d be wrong without me predicting a win for myself now, wouldn’t it?

Prediction: Detroit Pox City Win

 
Bone Idles   (10)  –   (3)   Guardians of Ghrond

The skill gap between the teams will be telling in this match. Ringbeard’s experience should swing this game in his favour

Prediction: Guardians Win

 
Dapper Lycanthropes   (7)  –   (8)   Green Meanies

This will be a very close game. Orcs edge this for me.

Prediction: Lil Green Meanies win

 

Projected Final League Table

#	Name	Points
1	Max Deadroom	32
2	I, Eldarius	26
3	Guardians of Ghrond	25
4	Big Bulls	23
5	Detroit Pox City	23
6	The Weather Veins	22
7	The Dapper Lycanthropes	21
8	Lil Green Meanies	21
9	Kracked Toof	19
10	The Bone Idles	19
11	Clipstone Coalminers	17
12	Baltimore Skavens	15

 

Well according to my optimistic predictions, I would not finish in the Top 4 on TD difference. This isn’t surprising considering my usual win is by 1 TD and losses of 2 or 3.

The four predicted Lustria playoff representatives are strong teams, with CJ being one of the favourites for the overall championship

Now it is time to see how it plays out in real life!

 

Visit Element Games here (Use the code DAN2300 at Checkout for double points)

For more Blood Bowl action:

Listen to the Two Drunk Flings podcast here

Listen to the Anything But A One podcast here

Waterbowl League – Game Week 9

Meat Bag hands Kracked Toof draw with last minute TD to punish wasteful City

The Kracked Toof Orcs recovered from a second half TD to salvage a draw against Detroit Pox City, to keep up the pressure in an already tense Lustria division.

A sloppy start from Bruce Lŭvgŭnn had Pox City on the backfoot from the very first kick.

The Toof were the aggressors in the first half, sending four Pox City players to the box for smelling salts.

With the teams deadlocked at the start of the second half, Detroit Pox City lined up extremely aggressively. The ball was ignored as Kracked Toof teeth were cracked. The defending Orcs resorting to bundling the new Pox City player Äss Holle over the line for a TD.

As seems to be a theme with the Pox City in recent games, a second half Pitch Invasion resulted in over half a dozen players floored before the ball landed.

With the game dying came a moment of brilliance from Kracked Toof’s goblin rookie Meat Bag. A block from “Strutter” McGhee forced Meat Bag into the tentacles of Beth the Beast. With ball still tucked to his chest, Meat Bag squirmed and squeezed out of it’s grasp and belted down the left flank for a last second Touchdown! This earned his team the draw and himself a well deserved Most Valuable Player award.

Rumours that Meat Bag was discovered to be taking performance enhancing mushrooms were proven to be unfounded, and completely legal in the Waterbowl.

After the game the irate Pox City manager vented to the waiting press:

“Brick Far’th is not walking through that door! Lord Borak is not walking through that door, and Morg ‘n’ Thorg is not walking through that door! What we are is young, exciting, hard-working, and we’re going to improve. People don’t realize that, and as soon as they realise those three guys are not coming through that door, the better this team will be for all of us because there are young guys in that locker room playing their arses off. I wish we had an extra 500,000 gold. I wish we could buy the world. We can’t; the only thing we can do is work hard, and all the negativity that’s in this city sucks. I’ve been around when Prince Moranion was booed. I’ve been around when Ghoul-Chewer was booed. And it stinks. It makes the greatest teams in the world, lousy.”

Being asked whether they are still aiming for the playoffs only exacerbated the situation:

“What’s that? Playoffs? Don’t talk about; playoffs? You kidding me? Playoffs? I just hope we can win a game! Another game!”

Detroit Pox City continue their playoff push, or lack of, against the second Orc team of the league the Lil Green Meanies.

Kracked Toof face a tough task against league leaders Max Deadroom.

 

Visit Element Games here (Use the code DAN2300 at Checkout for double points)

For more Blood Bowl action:

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Background – Ahkalaz

Part of what I love in wargaming is the ability to add background to pad out the armies. Backstories for characters and units take the pieces of plastic from toys to pieces of tales told on the tabletop.

Now with my Chaos Dwarfs/Infernal Dwarfs/Abyssal Dwarfs army I thought I would start with the head honcho himself, and then build up from there.

Lord Ahkalaz the Inextinguishable

To the east of Volksgrad lies the Wastelands. Here untold numbers of warbands and armies try and stake their claim to lands in the names of many Gods and leaders. From this harsh existence come stronger creatures, forever sharpened against the whetstone of hardship.

Ahkalaz began in the ranks of Infernal Dwarf Lord Izekhar the Oppressor. Driving forward vast hordes of slaves into battle, Ahkalaz learned warfare through the bloodshed of lesser races. His ascent was built on a staircase of blood and bone, toil and sweat. Hundreds of miles driving forward orcs, humans and enslaved Western Dwarves to further his craft and prove his loyalty to Lord Izekhar. His cunning nature shone on these raids, Izekhar’s forces swelling with hundreds of Orcs after an Ahkalaz led ambush attack on the Warboss’s retinue.

Ahkalaz’s troops attacked a trade caravan in northern Sagarika. Amongst the jewels, gold and trinkets lay a small obsidian orb. A spiral seemed to move within the orb, with faint voices calling out to Ahkalaz. They told promises of glory, riches and power. Ahkalaz had the orb attached to his helmet like a cyclopean eye in the middle. Better to hear their whispered promises.

Over the next 30 moons Ahkalaz led his forces back to Izekhar, all the while listening to the mysterious speaker. As his confidence grew so did his arrogance. He refused to kneel to Izekhar, attacking him with ferocity usually found from his berserker cousins. The rest of the forces knelt or were enslaved, with Ahkalaz adding the loyal to his bodyguard.

Staking his claim to the trade routes near the Ashen Desert, Ahkalaz decked himself with assorted gawdy trinkets and jewels. Over time he began to believe that the orb had chosen him and the voices were from a God and moved the orb from a helmet to a crown. His temper became erratic, casting out to the desert those that dared look at the orb or him in the eyes.

However the news of a crown wearing upstart caught the attention of many other Infernal Dwarf Lords, as they are a race prone to jealousy and pride. Ahkalaz was called to a council of the Infernal Dwarf Lord Ishbaknul . Believing this to be a unification of forces to invade Vetia he marched his entire forces to the meeting, akin to a grand parade. The voices grew stronger as he got closer. They warned of betrayal. But Ahkalaz was to fall victim to his hubris, he believed himself above the other Dwarfs, and was there to prove such.

As he entered Ishbaknul’s grand tent he was set upon by numerous Dwarfs. Calling out for his bodyguard, he turned to find them stood with sheathed weapons. Unbeknown to Ahkalaz they had been turned.

Turned with promises of glory.

Of riches.

Of power.

With his body almost broken from the assault the voice from the orb cried out to be released. Weakly Ahkalaz removed the symbol of his rule and threw it to the ground. Flames erupted from the orb and engulfed Ahkalaz. The voices inside came from a djinn, granting him the wishes he had of power. In a tornado of fire the almighty djinn engulfed Ahkalaz’s army, leaving both him and army as ashes on the wind.

Whether gift or curse, Ahkalaz was reborn with an internal fire. The djinn granted destiny that Ahkalaz seeks causes him to never die, immortal until the day he conquers the Eastern world and unites all the Infernal Dwarfs under his rule. Yet the curse racks him with nightmares of living in a world of eternal fire, mental scars from the djinn’s power. In these dreams he leads an army of ash warriors while his skin burns in excruciating fire.

If Ahkalaz falls in battle a grand pyre is erected with his body placed on top. One thousand captors and slaves are chained to posts around the fire before it is set aflame. Incantations from the sorcerers are performed as the flames lick Ahkalaz’s body. As the captors and slaves wail, spirits emerge from the fire, reinvigorating his body with power from the dark Gods. As the last spirit enters the flames disappear, leaving only ashes and bone around Ahkalaz. Then with one final incantation he rises from his resting place and once again tops his gilded throne. All this serves no purpose but to stoke Ahkalaz’s ego. With each reincarnation Ahkalaz becomes more focused on his goal. But for victory, or for death, no one can know for sure.

On the Tabletop

To use the character in different systems I added the nightmare part. Having this as an “out” lets me use him as special characters in Kings of War, Warhammer Fantasy or Age of Sigmar, while using him as a generic Lord of Fire in The Ninth Age.

I am using The Ninth Age as my default setting as I think this is the system with the most room for manoeuvre in lore writing, not burdened with the 30+ years of Games Workshop background.

Model wise for Ahkalaz I am still looking. Steering towards the Khurin model from Lost Kingdom Miniatures. Basing will be Ash Desert themed, with ash warpaint on Berzerkers and Centaurs. Armour will be a burnished steel with flame emblems on shields and banners.

As I have implied that Ahkalaz started as a slave raider I am looking at using them heavily in the force. Especially a Slave Giant for use with Goblin “allies” in Kings of War.

Visit Element Games here (Use the code DAN2300 at Checkout for double points)

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Swiss Army Approach to Army Collecting

One Size Fits All

The spark for this article came from a tweet I posted the other day, which in itself came from seeing a Warhammer Fantasy game being played at the NWGC.

Seeing the Skaven swarm taking on the Vampire Counts gave me an overwhelming sense of nostalgia. But it also made me realise that I had an unassembled Abyssal Dwarf Immortal Guard box in my hobby corner.

But what would a Kings of War unit have to do with Warhammer Fantasy?

Or even nostalgia?

My idea is to create a One Fits All approach to my army!

Some armies (Stormcast in AoS for example) would be tough to fit in more than one. But by choosing an army based on a typical fantasy race, in my case Evil Dwarfs, I can use it in a multitude of game systems.

Perhaps I could find a hat to wear?

With 9th Age and Kings of War both beginning as derivatives of the Warhammer Fantasy game, there are a lot of crossover units. Chaos, Dwarfs, Undead, Beastmen and Elves are also armies that benefit from the generic nature of their backgrounds.

The plan is to magnetise the models so they can be used on different sized bases.

As I tweeted:

If I magnetise the #AbyssalDwarfs correctly I could:

🔸 Multibase them for #KingsOfWar
🔸 Square bases for #TheNinthAge as Infernal Dwarfs
🔸Circle bases for whatever the #ChaosDwarf thing is in #AoS
🔸Square bases if my some miracle I get a #WarhammerFantasy game#T9A

— Dan Mellor (@TheGngrNoob) July 12, 2018

But that is without including various skirmish systems etc

The reasons for this are simple:

Wargaming is expensive

It might not be as expensive as airsoft, kit cars or even ballroom dancing, but it isn’t a cheap hobby. With 5 children I don’t have the bankroll I had when I was a Teen. More money, less to spend, as is the curse of adulthood. By having a smaller, set approach to my purchases I can alleviate the cost problems. While hopefully steering clear of impulse buys.

Less painting

More kids also means less time for painting. With 90 minutes or so a day being the window of opportunity for child free artistic endeavours. Buying a unit and then finishing it before purchasing another will obviously be the aim here. But my aim can be lacking.

More scope for gaming

Another child related issue is a lack of gaming time. At the moment I can manage one night a week, stretching to once a fortnight depending on afterschool clubs etc. With three children in swimming clubs, all at different times, this narrows my time immensely.

But by having an army that can be used in multiple systems I can always grab a pick up game or even enter a one day event, with permission from the better half.

I will never be, and never have been, a Top 10 Tournament player, so this would be ideal.

Now some tournaments would be restrictive when it comes to models used, Games Workshop hosted events being strict on their own models being used, which is completely reasonable

 

Building an All Rounder Army

Undergoing something like this obviously takes a bit of planning.

I am basing this starter army around the Abyssal Dwarf Army box, one box of Gargoyles, one box of Decimators, an additional box of Immortal Guard and an Iron-Caster.

Also, these are only if one buys all Mantic models. The Ninth Age website contains a great gallery with links to different companies and their models for various forces.

This is also great for some Chaos Dwarf alternatives

This could be a fantastic Iron-Caster and may be on my shopping list eventually.

Not sticking to one manufacturer will also keep costs down, with shopping around a lot easier, especially when it comes to the big price disparities in war machines.

 

It is best to pick a game system as a primary one to build a starter list for.

In my case it will be a 1000pts Kings of War army list:

• Iron-caster – 120
  • Surge
• 2 x Immortal Guard Regiments – 320 (2 x 160)
  • Two-Handed Weapons
  • Throwing Mastiffs
• Decimators Troop – 120
• Slave Orcs Regiment – 90
• Gargoyles Troop – 80
• 2 x Lesser Obsidian Golem Regiments – 270 (2 x 135)

1000 points on the nose. The Overmaster is taken out of this list as points wouldn’t allow it. Also this has no artifacts. I would like to add faster troops in the future and war machines but it hits the points limit so that will do for now.

But will it work in other systems?

The Infernal Dwarfs list for The 9th Age 1st Edition:

• Prophet – 340
  • General, Pyromancy, Lv 1 Wizard Apprentice
• 10 Infernal Warriors with Blunderbuss – 170
• 20 Orc Slaves – 160
  • Shields
• 2 x 20 Immortals – 1000 (2 x 500)
  • Great Weapons, Full Command
• 3 Kadim Incarnates – 330

2000 points on the dot. The 9th Age uses a points system with 4000 points being a relatively normal sized game. This would be a good start, with Infernal Dwarves being artillery heavy in this system.

Not much for the points here. Direct equivalents for the Orcs and Dwarfs. The 3 Golems take the place of the Incarnates here. Fly rule may seem strange, but the fire based rules fit well.

No room for Gargoyles though with no equivalent in the Army Book. I shall look at Allies to see if anything works that way.

The Legion of Azgorh list:

• Daemonsmith – 100
  • Pyre Rune Staff
• Infernal Guard Castellan – 120
  • General
• 10 Infernal Guard Fireglaives – 100
• 3x 10 Infernal Guard Ironsworn – 270 (3 x 90)
• 2 x 3 K’daai Fireborn – 280 (2 x 140)
• Allied: 2x 5 Harpies – 120 ( 2 x 60)

990 points here with no room for the Orcs. Golems are now masquerading as Fireborn, which could work.

Unfortunately the Legion of Azhor works better as allies to other Chaos forces. But that doesn’t mean that they couldn’t work!

For an 8th edition The Legion of Azgorh army I came into trouble as I would only have one core troop. But by running my Immortal Guard as standard Infernal Guard for now I have:

• Daemonsmith Sorcerer – 130
  • Level 2 Wizard, Lore of Fire
• Infernal Castellan – 115
  • BRB
  • Shrieking Blade
• 10 Infernal Guard – 180
  • Hailshot Blunderbuss
• 2 x 20 Infernal Guard – 744 (2 x 372)
  • Full Command, Fireglaves
• 2 x 3 K’daai Fireborn – 330 (2 x 165)

Well you don’t get much for your points!

Would need a lot of artillery to make the army work in this system, but 1500 points without the Orcs and Gargoyles is impressive.

The Slaver from the Slave Orc set would be the BSB here. Whipping the army forward.

 

As a bit of a bonus, a quick flip through the 4/5th edition Chaos Dwarf book puts this list as at least 1000 points, before playing with magic. With models also potentially available for a Mordheim warband.

Overall

Obviously it isn’t yet perfect, and the army as it is wouldn’t be winning any tournaments in any system. What it does do is show an example of having an army that can be used in different systems with little changing.

It also doesn’t take into account any rules for allies within the game systems.

The change to the round Age Of Sigmar bases is the only major change. Although Kings of War can use Unit basing, it isn’t compulsory. Also KoW, 9th Age and Warhammer Fantasy all use the 20mm squares for Dwarfs and 25mm for Orcs. So with a little magnetising, I believe the switch to rounds will be easy enough.

But it is a start. With any help to get more gaming and hobby opportunities greatly appreciated.

Now to start learning rules again. Blood Bowl is a cakewalk compared to these!

 

Visit Element Games here (Use the code DAN2300 at Checkout for double points)

For Kings of War, Listen to Direct Misfire here

Waterbowl League – Game Week 7

This week we have a special match report from Brianne Tribune reporter Gerard Le Cordonnier

Of Pus and Blood

‘Allo, after my last match report I was stricken with a variety of maladies. Now refreshed, with boils lanced and drained, I have returned. Partially due to ever increasing medical bills. And for the finest Tilean chirurgeons, one pays the finest price.

With nary a tickle in my throat I took my seat. The blanket of blizzard did not calm the spirits of the 24 thousand in attendance, with the Weather Veins throng being particularly vocal.

Perhaps it was the remnants of Doktor Morosini’s elixirs, but I felt utterly engrossed in the sidelines in the moments before the game. So much so that all my focus seemed to be directed towards a Weather Veins player. His obsidian eyes seemed to be luring me in. His porcelain skin as pale as the snow that flickered before him….

With points even in the Lustria Division, both teams are looking towards the Top 3 spots and Play Off glory! Following a tough scoreless draw vs Chaos Dwarfs, the Vampires are looking to carry on their impressive season.

Detroit Pox City slithered on to the pitch with yet another new Pestigor. Perhaps they have a farm somewhere that they are breeding them…on second thoughts, the less I know about that, the better. With a win over the Baltimore Skavens under their belt, can the maggot filled mutants claim the victory today?

With coin tossed and halves picked, it was time for some slightly living Blood Bowl Action!

In my time away, the Nurgle team have evidently been working on their kicking routine. Bruce Lŭvgŭnn lofted the ball long, the entire Pox City team blitzed forward, and the ball settled in a snow mound deep in the Vampire’s end zone.

Through the thick snow it was hard to fathom the action occurring on the pitch, with a lull in the snow letting one see the Vampire’s scoring half way through the first half.

Another kick off and another great riposte from the Nurgle players. With as much elegance as a diseased man can have, City’s team drove forward with a fervor, which lasted all of a few seconds. For all of their enthusiasm, the Vampires attacked back with the blood lust they are famed for, scoring a second touchdown with minutes left on the clock.

Frustration was setting in with the Detroit Pox City players by this point. Ankh Thayer attempted to launch the ball at the head of star Pestigor Phillip. But the goat creature managed to swipe the ball from its path. The referee dismissed Tomas Parasite shortly afterwards for dropping an elbow on a prone Veins thrall. Despite the Coach’s protestations that Parasite’s arm fell off onto the player, both player and coach received their marching orders.

The horn sounded with the score set at two to zero in favour of the bloodsuckers.

The atmosphere at halftime was tense. The Nurgle fans distraught and fighting amongst one another, completely divergent to their usual jovial nature. Curses and prayers to the Pox God were interspersed with bellows and infighting, as I made my way to sample the local Svartsoppa.

As is usual for this season of Blood Bowl, the halftime action left a lot to be desired. A troupe of mimes played out a series of acts, seemingly of a comic nature, judging by the guffaws of the local oafs. I, however, hold myself to a higher level of comedy, having seen the Great Luigi at the Ivory Theatre in Estalia.

With a glass of Von Culper’s Haimaphiltre and a biroldo I took my seat for the second half. Thankfully the food and drink warmed me, as the blizzard showed no signs of subsiding.

The Nurgle fans’ temper hadn’t subsided during the interval, with a large slab of masonry launched on the pitch, clipping the head of Plăstur-Kăstur as the ball was kicked skywards by the Vampires. The fans’ anger was the catalyst that Pox City needed, however, and they managed a decent drive down their right hand flank.

But as the Nurgle wave swept down the pitch they crashed against the rocks that were the Weather Veins defence, attack after attack being thwarted yards from the line. Bruce Lŭvgŭnn managed to incapacitate a Veins player before new Goat..man..thing ran the ball in for a touchdown!

Pressing for the win, Pox City shifted their kicking team towards one flank. However Lŭvgŭnn was still euphoric by his tackle before hand, trickling the kick only a few feet, causing a quick touchback. Before City could get their line shifted, the Weather Veins were already halfway down the pitch. Even a desperation tackle attempt by Phillip couldn’t stop the third touchdown.

With the horn for full time, and three points for the Vampire Counts, it was time to depart.

The Weather Veins carry on their push for the playoffs against the Dapper Lycanthropes, and to this I wish them all the best.

As for Detroit Pox City, they take on the Khemri team the Bone Idles. Despite the loss, I believe the Nurgle swarm can pick up a win.

As always, Santé

Visit Element Games here (Use the code DAN2300 at Checkout for double points)

For more Blood Bowl action:

Listen to the Two Drunk Flings podcast here

Listen to the Anything But A One podcast here

Waterbowl – Week Five and Six Review

#	Coach	Team	Race	TV	Pld	W	D	L	TD	Cas	Pts
1	cjblackburn	Max Deadroom	Undead	1290k	6	6	0	0	12	7	18
2	douglowe	I, Eldarius	Wood Elf	1300k	7	3	3	1	6	0	16
3	Jimbob	Kracked Toof	Orc	1380k	6	2	3	1	0	9	13
4	Ringbeard	Guardians of Ghrond	Dark Elf	1230k	7	2	2	3	-3	-1	13
5	TheGngrNoob	Detroit Pox City	Nurgle	1220k	6	3	1	2	0	1	13
6	Isvan	The Weather Veins	Vampire	1300k	6	3	1	2	-3	-7	13
7	EndoSpartan	The Dapper Lycanthropes	Necromantic	1440k	6	2	2	2	3	-2	12
8	Tintenfisch	I like big bulls and I cannot lie	Chaos Dwarf	1310k	6	2	2	2	0	0	12
9	Adam boo	The Bone Idles	Khemri	1180k	5	1	3	1	-1	1	10
10	Chebby	Clipstone Coalminers	Dwarf	1200k	5	1	2	2	-2	-6	9
11	The Martian	Lil Green Meanies	Orc	1200k	5	0	3	2	-3	-1	8
12	Queek	Baltimore Skavens	Skaven	1250k	6	0	0	6	-7	-1	6
13	narked	Manannsheim Buccaneers	Human	1000k	1	0	0	1	-2	0	1
14	rollingskullz	Honest To Gob	Goblin	850k	0	0	0	0	0	0	0

 

Week 5 Results

I Like Big Bulls and I Cannot Lie   1-1   Lil Green Meanies

The Weather Veins   0-3   Max Deadroom

The Dapper Lycanthropes   4-1   Clipstone Coalminers

I, Eldarius   0-0   Detroit Pox City*

Baltimore Skavens   1-2   Guardians of Ghrond

The Bone Idles   1-1   Kracked Toof

 

*Match called a draw due to scheduling conflicts

 

Week 6 Results

The Weather Veins   0-0   I Like Big Bulls and I Cannot Lie

Guardians of Ghrond   0-2   Max Deadroom

I, Eldarius   3-1   Kracked Toof

Baltimore Skavens   1-2   Detroit Pox City

The Dapper Lycanthropes   0-0   Bone Idles

Clipstone Cowboys   TBA   Lil Green Meanies

 

Another fortnight, and still the gap between CJ and the rest is ever present. But with Doug on 16 points, and four teams on 13 points, there’s still time for twists this season.

My Nurgle managed a win against an extremely unlucky Skaven team. 1s rolled across the board with practically every player!

 

BRETONNIA DIVISION: Citizen Khaine   2-2   TNS

THIS ONE WAS A BLOODBATH! 10 Casualties in total in this Elf on Elf clash, with the Darker brethren leading the casualty count 7 to 3!

 

Sponsored by the Two Drunk ‘Flings podcast (Not really)

Waterbowl Halfling News

The Brandywine Custards continue their undefeated streak with a win, defeating the Bad Moon Rebels 3-0. This keeps them in 7th place, although only three points seperate them from 2nd Place in an extremely tight Bretonnia Division.

The Cincinnati Bagels lost their Week 5 game in a 2-0 loss to the high flying Amazonia Cardinals. Week 6 though saw them pick up their first draw of the season, stopping the 5 game losing streak! A 1-1 draw against the Chaos Dwarfs of Zharr Naggarund Steelers, never an easy match up for the stunties. This leaves them on 7 points with 6 Game Weeks remaining.

 

Visit Element Games here (Use the code DAN2300 at Checkout for double points)

For more Blood Bowl action:

Listen to the Two Drunk Flings podcast here

Listen to the Anything But A One podcast here