Swiss Army Approach to Army Collecting

One Size Fits All

The spark for this article came from a tweet I posted the other day, which in itself came from seeing a Warhammer Fantasy game being played at the NWGC.

Seeing the Skaven swarm taking on the Vampire Counts gave me an overwhelming sense of nostalgia. But it also made me realise that I had an unassembled Abyssal Dwarf Immortal Guard box in my hobby corner.

But what would a Kings of War unit have to do with Warhammer Fantasy?

Or even nostalgia?

My idea is to create a One Fits All approach to my army!

Some armies (Stormcast in AoS for example) would be tough to fit in more than one. But by choosing an army based on a typical fantasy race, in my case Evil Dwarfs, I can use it in a multitude of game systems.

400px-ChaosDwarf
Perhaps I could find a hat to wear?

With 9th Age and Kings of War both beginning as derivatives of the Warhammer Fantasy game, there are a lot of crossover units. Chaos, Dwarfs, Undead, Beastmen and Elves are also armies that benefit from the generic nature of their backgrounds.

The plan is to magnetise the models so they can be used on different sized bases.

As I tweeted:

But that is without including various skirmish systems etc

The reasons for this are simple:

Wargaming is expensive

It might not be as expensive as airsoft, kit cars or even ballroom dancing, but it isn’t a cheap hobby. With 5 children I don’t have the bankroll I had when I was a Teen. More money, less to spend, as is the curse of adulthood. By having a smaller, set approach to my purchases I can alleviate the cost problems. While hopefully steering clear of impulse buys.

Less painting

More kids also means less time for painting. With 90 minutes or so a day being the window of opportunity for child free artistic endeavours. Buying a unit and then finishing it before purchasing another will obviously be the aim here. But my aim can be lacking.

More scope for gaming

Another child related issue is a lack of gaming time. At the moment I can manage one night a week, stretching to once a fortnight depending on afterschool clubs etc. With three children in swimming clubs, all at different times, this narrows my time immensely.

But by having an army that can be used in multiple systems I can always grab a pick up game or even enter a one day event, with permission from the better half.

I will never be, and never have been, a Top 10 Tournament player, so this would be ideal.

Now some tournaments would be restrictive when it comes to models used, Games Workshop hosted events being strict on their own models being used, which is completely reasonable

 

Building an All Rounder Army

Undergoing something like this obviously takes a bit of planning.

I am basing this starter army around the Abyssal Dwarf Army box, one box of Gargoyles, one box of Decimators, an additional box of Immortal Guard and an Iron-Caster.

Also, these are only if one buys all Mantic models. The Ninth Age website contains a great gallery with links to different companies and their models for various forces.

This is also great for some Chaos Dwarf alternatives

http://lostkingdomminiatures.com/en/magmhorin-dwarves/26-magmhorin-sorcerer.html

This could be a fantastic Iron-Caster and may be on my shopping list eventually.

Not sticking to one manufacturer will also keep costs down, with shopping around a lot easier, especially when it comes to the big price disparities in war machines.

 

Logo-Kings-of-war-2

It is best to pick a game system as a primary one to build a starter list for.

In my case it will be a 1000pts Kings of War army list:

  • Iron-caster – 120
    • Surge
  • 2 x Immortal Guard Regiments – 320 (2 x 160)
    • Two-Handed Weapons
    • Throwing Mastiffs
  • Decimators Troop – 120
  • Slave Orcs Regiment – 90
  • Gargoyles Troop – 80
  • 2 x Lesser Obsidian Golem Regiments – 270 (2 x 135)

1000 points on the nose. The Overmaster is taken out of this list as points wouldn’t allow it. Also this has no artifacts. I would like to add faster troops in the future and war machines but it hits the points limit so that will do for now.

But will it work in other systems?

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The Infernal Dwarfs list for The 9th Age 1st Edition:

  • Prophet – 340
    • General, Pyromancy, Lv 1 Wizard Apprentice
  • 10 Infernal Warriors with Blunderbuss – 170
  • 20 Orc Slaves – 160
    • Shields
  • 2 x 20 Immortals – 1000 (2 x 500)
    • Great Weapons, Full Command
  • 3 Kadim Incarnates – 330

2000 points on the dot. The 9th Age uses a points system with 4000 points being a relatively normal sized game. This would be a good start, with Infernal Dwarves being artillery heavy in this system.

Not much for the points here. Direct equivalents for the Orcs and Dwarfs. The 3 Golems take the place of the Incarnates here. Fly rule may seem strange, but the fire based rules fit well.

No room for Gargoyles though with no equivalent in the Army Book. I shall look at Allies to see if anything works that way.

aos-logo

The Legion of Azgorh list:

  • Daemonsmith – 100
    • Pyre Rune Staff
  • Infernal Guard Castellan – 120
    • General
  • 10 Infernal Guard Fireglaives – 100
  • 3x 10 Infernal Guard Ironsworn – 270 (3 x 90)
  • 2 x 3 K’daai Fireborn – 280 (2 x 140)
  • Allied: 2x 5 Harpies – 120 ( 2 x 60)

990 points here with no room for the Orcs. Golems are now masquerading as Fireborn, which could work.

Unfortunately the Legion of Azhor works better as allies to other Chaos forces. But that doesn’t mean that they couldn’t work!

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For an 8th edition The Legion of Azgorh army I came into trouble as I would only have one core troop. But by running my Immortal Guard as standard Infernal Guard for now I have:

  • Daemonsmith Sorcerer – 130
    • Level 2 Wizard, Lore of Fire
  • Infernal Castellan – 115
    • BRB
    • Shrieking Blade
  • 10 Infernal Guard – 180
    • Hailshot Blunderbuss
  • 2 x 20 Infernal Guard – 744 (2 x 372)
    • Full Command, Fireglaves
  • 2 x 3 K’daai Fireborn – 330 (2 x 165)

Well you don’t get much for your points!

Would need a lot of artillery to make the army work in this system, but 1500 points without the Orcs and Gargoyles is impressive.

The Slaver from the Slave Orc set would be the BSB here. Whipping the army forward.

 

As a bit of a bonus, a quick flip through the 4/5th edition Chaos Dwarf book puts this list as at least 1000 points, before playing with magic. With models also potentially available for a Mordheim warband.

Overall

Obviously it isn’t yet perfect, and the army as it is wouldn’t be winning any tournaments in any system. What it does do is show an example of having an army that can be used in different systems with little changing.

It also doesn’t take into account any rules for allies within the game systems.

The change to the round Age Of Sigmar bases is the only major change. Although Kings of War can use Unit basing, it isn’t compulsory. Also KoW, 9th Age and Warhammer Fantasy all use the 20mm squares for Dwarfs and 25mm for Orcs. So with a little magnetising, I believe the switch to rounds will be easy enough.

But it is a start. With any help to get more gaming and hobby opportunities greatly appreciated.

Now to start learning rules again. Blood Bowl is a cakewalk compared to these!

 

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Waterbowl League – Game Week 7

This week we have a special match report from Brianne Tribune reporter Gerard Le Cordonnier

Of Pus and Blood

‘Allo, after my last match report I was stricken with a variety of maladies. Now refreshed, with boils lanced and drained, I have returned. Partially due to ever increasing medical bills. And for the finest Tilean chirurgeons, one pays the finest price.

With nary a tickle in my throat I took my seat. The blanket of blizzard did not calm the spirits of the 24 thousand in attendance, with the Weather Veins throng being particularly vocal.

Perhaps it was the remnants of Doktor Morosini’s elixirs, but I felt utterly engrossed in the sidelines in the moments before the game. So much so that all my focus seemed to be directed towards a Weather Veins player. His obsidian eyes seemed to be luring me in. His porcelain skin as pale as the snow that flickered before him….

With points even in the Lustria Division, both teams are looking towards the Top 3 spots and Play Off glory! Following a tough scoreless draw vs Chaos Dwarfs, the Vampires are looking to carry on their impressive season.

Detroit Pox City slithered on to the pitch with yet another new Pestigor. Perhaps they have a farm somewhere that they are breeding them…on second thoughts, the less I know about that, the better. With a win over the Baltimore Skavens under their belt, can the maggot filled mutants claim the victory today?

With coin tossed and halves picked, it was time for some slightly living Blood Bowl Action!

In my time away, the Nurgle team have evidently been working on their kicking routine. Bruce LŇ≠vgŇ≠nn lofted the ball long, the entire Pox City team blitzed forward, and the ball settled in a snow mound deep in the Vampire’s end zone.

Through the thick snow it was hard to fathom the action occurring on the pitch, with a lull in the snow letting one see the Vampire’s scoring half way through the first half.

Another kick off and another great riposte from the Nurgle players. With as much elegance as a diseased man can have, City’s team drove forward with a fervor, which lasted all of a few seconds. For all of their enthusiasm, the Vampires attacked back with the blood lust they are famed for, scoring a second touchdown with minutes left on the clock.

Frustration was setting in with the Detroit Pox City players by this point. Ankh Thayer attempted to launch the ball at the head of star Pestigor Phillip. But the goat creature managed to swipe the ball from its path. The referee dismissed Tomas Parasite shortly afterwards for dropping an elbow on a prone Veins thrall. Despite the Coach’s protestations that Parasite’s arm fell off onto the player, both player and coach received their marching orders.

The horn sounded with the score set at two to zero in favour of the bloodsuckers.

The atmosphere at halftime was tense. The Nurgle fans distraught and fighting amongst one another, completely divergent to their usual jovial nature. Curses and prayers to the Pox God were interspersed with bellows and infighting, as I made my way to sample the local Svartsoppa.

As is usual for this season of Blood Bowl, the halftime action left a lot to be desired. A troupe of mimes played out a series of acts, seemingly of a comic nature, judging by the guffaws of the local oafs. I, however, hold myself to a higher level of comedy, having seen the Great Luigi at the Ivory Theatre in Estalia.

With a glass of Von Culper’s Haimaphiltre and a biroldo I took my seat for the second half. Thankfully the food and drink warmed me, as the blizzard showed no signs of subsiding.

The Nurgle fans’ temper hadn’t subsided during the interval, with a large slab of masonry launched on the pitch, clipping the head of PlńÉstur-KńÉstur as the ball was kicked skywards by the Vampires. The fans’ anger was the catalyst that Pox City needed, however, and they managed a decent drive down their right hand flank.

But as the Nurgle wave swept down the pitch they crashed against the rocks that were the Weather Veins defence, attack after attack being thwarted yards from the line. Bruce LŇ≠vgŇ≠nn managed to incapacitate a Veins player before new Goat..man..thing ran the ball in for a touchdown!

Pressing for the win, Pox City shifted their kicking team towards one flank. However LŇ≠vgŇ≠nn was still euphoric by his tackle before hand, trickling the kick only a few feet, causing a quick touchback. Before City could get their line shifted, the Weather Veins were already halfway down the pitch. Even a desperation tackle attempt by Phillip couldn’t stop the third touchdown.

With the horn for full time, and three points for the Vampire Counts, it was time to depart.

The Weather Veins carry on their push for the playoffs against the Dapper Lycanthropes, and to this I wish them all the best.

As for Detroit Pox City, they take on the Khemri team the Bone Idles. Despite the loss, I believe the Nurgle swarm can pick up a win.

As always, Santé

scriptina.regular

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Waterbowl – Week Five and Six Review

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# Coach Team Race TV Pld W D L TD Cas Pts
1 cjblackburn Max Deadroom Undead 1290k 6 6 0 0 12 7 18
2 douglowe I, Eldarius Wood Elf 1300k 7 3 3 1 6 0 16
3 Jimbob Kracked Toof Orc 1380k 6 2 3 1 0 9 13
4 Ringbeard Guardians of Ghrond Dark Elf 1230k 7 2 2 3 -3 -1 13
5 TheGngrNoob Detroit Pox City Nurgle 1220k 6 3 1 2 0 1 13
6 Isvan The Weather Veins Vampire 1300k 6 3 1 2 -3 -7 13
7 EndoSpartan The Dapper Lycanthropes Necromantic 1440k 6 2 2 2 3 -2 12
8 Tintenfisch I like big bulls and I cannot lie Chaos Dwarf 1310k 6 2 2 2 0 0 12
9 Adam boo The Bone Idles Khemri 1180k 5 1 3 1 -1 1 10
10 Chebby Clipstone Coalminers Dwarf 1200k 5 1 2 2 -2 -6 9
11 The Martian Lil Green Meanies Orc 1200k 5 0 3 2 -3 -1 8
12 Queek Baltimore Skavens Skaven 1250k 6 0 0 6 -7 -1 6
13 narked Manannsheim Buccaneers Human 1000k 1 0 0 1 -2 0 1
14 rollingskullz Honest To Gob Goblin 850k 0 0 0 0 0 0 0

 

Week 5 Results

I Like Big Bulls and I Cannot Lie   1-1   Lil Green Meanies

The Weather Veins   0-3   Max Deadroom

The Dapper Lycanthropes   4-1   Clipstone Coalminers

I, Eldarius   0-0   Detroit Pox City*

Baltimore Skavens   1-2   Guardians of Ghrond

The Bone Idles   1-1   Kracked Toof

 

*Match called a draw due to scheduling conflicts

 

Week 6 Results

The Weather Veins   0-0   I Like Big Bulls and I Cannot Lie

Guardians of Ghrond   0-2   Max Deadroom

I, Eldarius   3-1   Kracked Toof

Baltimore Skavens   1-2   Detroit Pox City

The Dapper Lycanthropes   0-0   Bone Idles

Clipstone Cowboys   TBA   Lil Green Meanies

 

Another fortnight, and still the gap between CJ and the rest is ever present. But with Doug on 16 points, and four teams on 13 points, there’s still time for twists this season.

My Nurgle managed a win against an extremely unlucky Skaven team. 1s rolled across the board with practically every player!

 

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BRETONNIA DIVISION: Citizen Khaine   2-2   TNS

THIS ONE WAS A BLOODBATH! 10 Casualties in total in this Elf on Elf clash, with the Darker brethren leading the casualty count 7 to 3!

 

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Waterbowl Halfling News

The Brandywine Custards continue their undefeated streak with a win, defeating the Bad Moon Rebels 3-0. This keeps them in 7th place, although only three points seperate them from 2nd Place in an extremely tight Bretonnia Division.

The Cincinnati Bagels lost their Week 5 game in a 2-0 loss to the high flying Amazonia Cardinals. Week 6 though saw them pick up their first draw of the season, stopping the 5 game losing streak! A 1-1 draw against the Chaos Dwarfs of Zharr Naggarund Steelers, never an easy match up for the stunties. This leaves them on 7 points with 6 Game Weeks remaining.

 

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For Gondor!

Talking about Tolkien 

Recently I’ve been thinking over the game systems that I have played in the past. One that I enjoyed but didn’t commit to was the then named Lord of the Rings Strategy Battle Game.

I enjoyed it as it had a very cinematic feel to the combat. Not quite Herohammer, but satisfying to watch Gimli cut through swathes of Moria Goblins, or Aragorn take on a Cave Troll.

So with nostalgic memories flooding my mind, and a loose grip on my wallet, I picked up two boxes of Warriors of Minis Tirith.

 

For Gondor!

 

With the rumoured new starter set based around Pelennor Fields, I started re-reading the Return of the King chapters about it. Not wanting the standard Gondor force this quote jumped out at me:

“And so the companies came and were hailed and cheered and passed through the Gate, men of the Outlands marching to defend the City of Gondor in a dark hour; but always too few, always less than hope looked for or need asked…. Hirluin the Fair of the Green Hills from Pinnath Gelin with three hundreds of gallant green-clad men.”

The Return of the King, LoTR Book 5, Ch 1, Minas Tirith

 

Green Gondor?! Has to be based around Pinnath Gelin then!

Now besides knowing that they were lead by Hirluin the Fair, not much information can be found on them.

With the further quote of:

“…horsemen rode eastward to the succour of √Čomer: H√ļrin the Tall Warden of the Keys, and the Lord of Lossarnach, and Hirluin of the Green Hills, and Prince Imrahil the fair with his knights all about him.”

The Return of the King, LoTR Book 5, Ch 6, The Battle of the Pelennor Fields

So dressed in green, from the Green Hills and have horsemen.
I can work with that.

 

Summoning the Force

Banner of Pinnath Gelin
Banner of Pinnath Gelin

 

Now with very little information on the Green Hills of Pinnath Gelin being available, a bit of guesswork needs to be made.

The hills and horsemen almost feel more Rohan than Gondor. No big cities there also reinforces this. I know think that they would be very self reliant. Hunters and farmers more than full on soldiers. So Rangers are a must there, alongside the horsemen.

I also don’t think that soldiers in such an area would have full platemail like the Minas Tirith soldiers. I envision them more like the armoured Rohan soldiers.
With great difficulty I am thinking of replacing the greaves with a chainmail, as well as adding a surcoat or cape to some warriors.

Obviously I don’t have a legal force. I need at least two heroes to add to my force. Looking at the Damrod and Faramir pack to start with.

After this it will be playing my first game of the Middle Earth SBG!

 

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Waterbowl – Week Three and Four Review

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League Table

# Coach Team Race TV Pld W D L TD Cas Pts
1 cjblackburn Max Deadroom Undead 1050k 4 4 0 0 7 1 12
2 douglowe I, Eldarius Wood Elf 1250k 4 2 2 0 5 3 10
3 Tintenfisch I like big bulls and I cannot lie Chaos Dwarf 1240k 5 2 1 2 0 -1 10
4 Isvan The Weather Veins Vampire 1230k 4 3 0 1 0 -3 10
5 The Martian Lil Green Meanies Orc 1200k 5 0 3 2 -3 -1 8
6 Jimbob Kracked Toof Orc 1230k 4 1 2 1 -1 0 8
7 Ringbeard Guardians of Ghrond Dark Elf 1200k 4 1 2 1 0 0 8
8 TheGngrNoob Detroit Pox City Nurgle 980k 4 2 0 2 -1 -1 8
9 Chebby Clipstone Coalminers Dwarf 1130k 4 1 2 1 1 0 8
10 EndoSpartan The Dapper Lycanthropes Necromantic 1250k 4 1 1 2 0 -3 7
11 Adam boo The Bone Idles Khemri 1130k 3 1 1 1 -1 4 6
12 Queek Baltimore Skavens Skaven 1090k 4 0 0 4 -5 1 4
13 narked Manannsheim Buccaneers Human 1000k 1 0 0 1 -2 0 1
14 rollingskullz Honest To Gob Goblin 850k 0 0 0 0 0 0 0

My apologies for missing almost a month. My excuse is that I have been researching for a story!

Week 3 Results

Max Deadroom 2-0 Detroit Pox City

I, Eldarius 4-3 Baltimore Skavens

Lil Green Meanies 1-2 The Bone Idles

Guardians of Ghrond 0-2 I Like Big Bulls and I Cannot Lie

Clipstone Cowboys 0-1 The Weather Veins

The Dapper Lycanthropes 3-0 Kracked Toof

Week 4 Results

Lil Green Meanies 0-2 Max Deadroom

I Like Big Bulls and I Cannot Lie 2-1 The Dapper Lycanthropes

The Weather Veins 2-1 Baltimore Skavens

Detroit Pox City 0-2 Guardians of Ghrond

I, Eldarius 1-1 The Bone Idles

Kracked Toof 1-1 Clipstone Cowboys

Two losses in a row for my Nurgle, with a tough game versus I, Eldarius next.

CJ continues his undefeated streak and, barring a complete capitulation, will be the first name on the qualifying sheet

The first Round 5 game was a marital affair as I Like Big Bulls and I Cannot Lie and Lil Green Meanies played out a 1-1 draw on their holiday

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LUSTRIA DIVISION: Kracked Toof 1-1 Clipstone Cowboys

Not a high scoring, but an absolute bloodbath. The Orcs inflicted 6 casualties on their pint sized opponents!

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Waterbowl Halfling News

Mixed fortunes for the ‘flings

The Brandywine Custards drew both their games. A 1-1 draw versus the Wood Elves of TNS was followed by a 0-0 draw with the vampires of The Bloody Oranges. This leaves the Custards in the impressive 7th place of the Bretonnian division.

The Cincinnati Bagels lost their two games 2-1 and 2-0 to Orcs and Khemri, respectively, leaving them on a 0-4 record.

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Waterbowl – Week Two Lustria Review

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League Table

# Coach Team Race TV Pld W D L TD Cas Pts
1 cjblackburn Max Deadroom Undead 1060k 3 3 0 0 5 1 9
2 douglowe I, Eldarius Wood Elf 1200k 3 2 1 0 5 3 8
3 TheGngrNoob Detroit Pox City Nurgle 1020k 3 2 0 1 1 -1 7
4 Jimbob Kracked Toof Orc 1140k 2 1 1 0 2 0 5
5 Chebby Clipstone Coalminers Dwarf 1060k 2 1 1 0 2 1 5
6 The Martian Lil Green Meanies Orc 1140k 2 0 2 0 0 0 4
7 Ringbeard Guardians of Ghrond Dark Elf 1130k 2 0 2 0 0 1 4
8 Isvan The Weather Veins Vampire 980k 2 1 0 1 -2 -3 4
9 Queek Baltimore Skavens Skaven 1100k 3 0 0 3 -4 0 3
10 EndoSpartan The Dapper Lycanthropes Necromantic 1000k 2 0 1 1 -2 -1 3
11 Tintenfisch I like big bulls and I cannot lie Chaos Dwarf 1070k 2 0 0 2 -3 -2 2
12 *(1) narked Manannsheim Buccaneers Human 1000k 1 0 0 1 -2 0 1
13 Adam boo The Bone Idles Khemri 1060k 1 0 0 1 -2 1 1
14 *(2) rollingskullz Honest To Gob Goblin 850k 0 0 0 0 0 0 0

*(1) replaced by Khemri Team coached by Adam Boocock

*(2) replaced by Necromantic Team coached by Cammy Shaw

 

Week 2 Results

Baltimore Skavens   0 Р2   Kracked Toof

Dapper Lycanthropes   0-1   Detroit Pox City 

Guardians of Ghrond   1-1   Lil Green Meanies     

Max Deadroom   2-0   Bone Idles

I, Eldarius   4-0   The Weather Veins

Clipstone Coalminers   2-0   I Like Big Bulls And I Cannot Lie

 

Unfortunately we have had another drop out with the humans being replaced by Khemri, making the division a little more bash heavy

 

Week 3 Results

Max Deadroom   2-0   Detroit Pox City

I, Eldarius   4-3   Baltimore Skavens

 

Max Deadroom carry on their unassailable run picking up a win vs my Nurgle. A tough game that saw 6 injuries including 3 deaths, Detroit Pox City losing both Pestigors, while Max Deadroom will be crying for their Mummy.

Two early Week 3 results. Baltimore Skavens scored 3 but are yet to pick up a win after a high scoring game vs I, Eldarius.

 

Week 3 Fixtures

Guardians of Ghrond vs I Like Big Bulls And I Cannot Lie

Both teams go into Week 3 looking to pick up their first win. Guardians will be hiring a rookie to replace the departed Urial.

 

Prediction: 2-1

 

Clipstone Coalminers vs The Weather Veins

Block vs strength 4. This could be a bloodbath, which would suit the Vampires nicely.

The Coalminers go in at full strength, while the Weather Veins are without two thralls after their 4-0 drubbing to I, Eldarius.

 

Prediction: 2-0

 

Lil Green Meanies vs The Bone Idles

The Orcs will be looking to leverage their experience against a relatively young ancient skeleton team. With two draws under their belt, this could be Lil Green Meanies first win.

 

Prediction: 2-0

 

The Dapper Lycanthropes vs Kracked Toof

Marrow Muncher and Line Breaker will have to be the stars they are promising to be if they are to break through the Lycanthrope lines.

The Necromantic team could prove too fast for the Kracked Toof’s Black Orc and Troll defence

 

Prediction: 1-1

 

 

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LUSTRIA DIVISION: I, Eldarius   4-0   The Weather Veins

The most one sided match in the Waterbowl League in Week 2, the high flying Wood Elves dismantled the Vampires, while also causing 3 casualties.

 

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Waterbowl Halfling News

Both Halfling teams lose in their respective divisions

The Brandywine Custards lost 2-1 to the Khemri team, Barneys Khemri, while also losing the same on casualties.

The Cincinnati Bagels¬†lose their second game 3-0 to The Woody Alan’s Wood Elf team. They managed to cause a whopping 5 casualties during the loss, though.

 

 

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Waterbowl League – Game Week 2

This week we have a special match report from Brianne Tribune reporter Gerard Le Cordonnier

Best of a Rotten situation

There was once a great Estalian explorer, Enrico Ricci. In his great tome, The Old World: Flora, Fauna and Fornication, he mentioned that deep within the jungles of Lustria grows a plant. This plant, when in a stage of infrequent bloom, produces a stench so foul, it could put a troll off its dinner. However I believe a bouquet of them would be a fragrance suitable for The Lady herself when compared to the aroma of a Necromantic Vs Nurgle game of Blood Bowl.

With my skin itching I took my seat. There is an old Bretonnian phrase that “Every village has an idiot.” I had the misfortune of sitting betwixt an entire realm’s worth.

In my years as a travelling scribe I have visited the majestic Altdorf Oldbowl. I have marvelled in acrobatic displays in glorious Ulthuan. I have voyaged deep underground to write on a pair of Dwarven Kings in a grudge series. As I sat upon an upturned stone slab, the breath of an unwashed orc on my neck, I had to remind myself that this was merely a dip in fortune.

The aptly named Dapper Lycanthropes came into this match on the back of a draw against I, Eldarius. Sporting a pair of werewolves, Old Man Jenkins’ the captain flesh golem, one ghoul and a shambling of zombies, they entered the game as favourites. Local bookmaker Mad Patty Power giving them odds of 8/11 for a win.

Detroit Pox City entered the game in high spirits, the ever phlegmatic Bruce LŇ≠vgŇ≠nn stating, “Win for the Pox God!” Eloquence notwithstanding they walked onto the pitch with all the swagger of a Breton lord after a large supper.

The Dapper Lycanthropes won the toss and elected to receive. From my vantage point the centre of the pitch seemed hazy and the unmistakable buzzing sound of bloatflies set the soundtrack for the game.

The match started with all the pace and elegance of a Halfling wading through treacle, only the double team of werewolves moving at anything resembling speed. But this speed proved to be the undoing of Lysander Puddlesworth as he overshot his run past Belial, Pox City’s star pestigor, who then nudged him into the away fans stand.

The werewolf had been attempting to find space for a pass, get it would have a been in vain as the soaring ball was plucked out of the air by PlńÉstur-KńÉstur.

Detroit Pox City launched their attack. PlńÉstur-KńÉstur¬†lofted a pass to Tomas Parasite who jogged coughing and spluttering towards the end zone.

The midfield was a first fight of dead and rotting flesh, the peg nosed referee eager to take a step back while grounded players were stomped.

Tomas crossed the goal line just as halftime struck, Detroit Pox City taking a One-Zero lead into the halftime interval.

If the smell of the teams was bad then the halftime food stalls were truly repugnant. I surveyed the various pots of untrustworthy broths, with a sliding scale of living and dead creatures, and declined a meal.

The halftime show involved local “musician” Nekrota. Alternating between guttural growls and dog like howls one would almost wish to be dead, never mind undead. Tristan le Troubadour¬†she is not.

After the food and entertainment, words used as loose a bar girl’s garter, I was happy to have a ewer of Friar Benedictine’s elixir to raise my spirits for the second half.

Between halves, The Dapper Lycanthrope’s coaching team managed to sew the various parts of the dead werewolf back together. No doubt adding extras from unwilling members of the crowd.

With a final lock stitch the Necromantic team were ready to kick off the second half.

The kick was short, veering towards City’s left flank. A trio of rotters enveloped the ball as they started their drive up field. LŇ≠vgŇ≠nn marched forward, ball tucked in the boils under his arm, ready to traverse the carnage ahead.

Five Necromantic players were sent to the recovery box, while the City number 4 was caught with business end of an Old Man Jenkins’ headbutt, crunching him to the ground. Only his ankle remained of Erik Kulick once the body was swept away.

The second half also carried on the bizarre grudge match between Baby Face Tom and Ankh Thayer. Tom hit Thayer. Thayer got up and hit Tom. Tom got up and hit Thayer. Each player getting knocked down and getting back up again. A strange side motif in the game. One that will be sung about by drunken oafs in local taverns no doubt.

With the bloaters, and Beth the bloatspawn, engrossed in carnage, it was a surprise to me that no Dapper Lycanthrope players were sent to their respective injury dugouts. Both teams lucky to not receive more than putrid flesh wounds.

With the time ticking away LŇ≠vgŇ≠nn crossed to score. Seconds remained as Detroit Pox City kicked off.

The ball was kicked.

A Rotter was thumped.

The referee blew his whistle.

Two wins from two for Detroit Pox City. The third round game against pre-season favourites Max Deadroom will be the barometer of the team. Are they just a flash in the pestilent pan?

The Dapper Lycanthropes are still searching for a win this season and could be in need of a rebuild. Rumours of the local graveyard being upturned by figures in Lycanthrope colours could not be confirmed.

After the game I had the dubious pleasure to speaker to top Nurgle agent Hoary Menieredes. He/it informed me that Pox City were scouting a local leper colony for recruits. “My client is blessed by the pox father. He might not be much to look at, but no one can stop an ogre charge with his face like he can!” High praise indeed.

Now I have to go. The village apothecary would like to examine the rash on my leg. And I feel like I’ve been followed by a man with a pronounced hump…

–¬†scriptina.regular

 

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